I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. `I'm starting to face the reality that this "flying for a living" dream just isn't working out. It's a painful pill to swallow for sure, but one that seems looming. Worst part is, the decision isn't being made for me like it is for others that might be deemed less fortunate. Three and four time furloughees don't have much choice in the matter. Most of them accept the fact and then move on to something else.
This decision is left to me. I do have a job, but it's not one I'd like to keep for an extended period. This isn't a decision I'm making because I'm not any good at my job. I'm one of the best. I don't walk around bragging about it, but I work VERY damn hard at what I do. I take flying very seriously. I have taken great pride in my ability to be a great pilot. However, in the airline industry, no matter how good or bad you are, it has nearly zero affect on how your career progresses. EVERYTHING rides on your seniority number. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
It's become quite obvious that my company doesn't give two shits about me. I might have $100,000 worth of training to be able to do this job, and I'm being told that in this new world of CRM that I have much more authority and responsibility, but I'm still paid less than the guy on the fry machine at McDonalds. They might say they want FOs who stand up for themselves and for what's right, what's SOP, and what's safe for the aircraft and it's passengers. However, when the penny drops, my company has not done A SINGLE THING to actually show in any way, that they themselves buy that load of shit. Then, there are those Captains that I get to fly with sometimes. The ones who who are nothing but 20+ year cry babies telling me how tough it used to be for them and, "We've all paid our dues..." Ask most of those assclowns how long THEY spent in the right seat. Many of them hired in as "Street Captains," meaning they never sat in the right seat. Others spent no more than a few months in the right seat. Yeah, cry me a fucking river on just how many dues you've paid. All you do is bitch while I do all the real work and you're always right. Not to mention you're paid 5 times more than I. I work harder, study harder, I know more about the plane than you and I fly it better than you. Those are the facts.
For me, I've been caught in the middle too long. The middle of the seniority list. And, I've not moved in years. Stuck in the right seat, still not even making $30k/year, and routinely flying with some major league jackoffs. They miss calls, they forget about speed and/or crossing restrictions, they load the FMS wrong, they can't taxi the damn plane without getting lost, etc, etc. Don't get me wrong, I make plenty of mistakes, too. I said I was a great, not perfect. When I screw up, I'm happy when the other guy catches it. That's why I thought there were two of us up there. I'm sick of the Captain who is all high and mighty, treating me like a second rate human being who makes at least 17 mistakes to any 1 of mine. And, when there has been an issue between myself and a Captain, airline management just tells me I'm a pissant FO and the Captain is always right. I'm caught between the training department telling me how much responsibility I have, that it's my job to step up and be part of the flight deck team, and airline management never once backing me in any way no matter how incredulous a Captain's actions were.
So, I've set a date. If, by this date, I'm not in another flying job or at least the left seat of some 121 aircraft, then I'm calling it quits. Consider the towel thrown in. Of course, there is the small question of, "Would I go back to flying on my own, as a GA pilot?" For now, the answer is no. I'm just ready to walk away from it all at this point. While it is true that I was miserable in my previous career which had me at a desk all day, looking at myself now, I'd hardly refer to this as, "loving life." At least I'd be able to get my head back above water in a financial sense.
So, to the handful of readers I have out there, thanks for reading. I don't expect to make any future posts here. I've said what I needed to say, and I'll just leave it at that.
