Speaking Uniformly

So, what's it like to wear the airline uniform? Well, at first, it's pretty cool. However, about 5 mins later, the coolness starts to wane. OK, I'm exaggerating. Maybe it's more like 7 mins.

I think the uniform itself has done much to hide certain facts from the public, such as the fact that we are paid crap, work up to 16hrs per day and are usually viewed and treated poorly by our management. We look pretty sharp in a nice shirt, tie and slacks. I don't know of many other professions that require their people to dress like this and pay their people less then $20,000 per year for the first several years of employment. I'm not a big fan of the hat, that's for sure. I mean really, it's retarded. It was cool back in the day of the Army Air Corps, however, that time has long since past. And those who make the policy that we should wear those damn hats would never be seen in one themselves! Funny how that works...

Anyways, being a commuter, I spend a little more time in uniform than non-commuters. There are those that refuse to commute in uniform, and I can understand where they are coming from. You do stand out a bit. Some people would rather blend in. To me, there are some advantages to commuting in uniform. There are some downsides as well, but I don't think its too bad. I don't always commute in uniform, but likely more often than not.

For me it's just plain easier. I get dressed when I leave the house, and then I don't have to change when I get to my base. You tend to get noticed by the crew faster, which can be helpful when you're trying to catch a ride on the jumpseat. (There are some exceptions here between certain pilot groups, but that's another story.) Technically, we shouldn't "sleep" when in uniform. But I'll be the first to admit, if I'm tired and I'm just riding along as a passenger, I'll sleep my ass off and not feel the least bit bad about it!

Another thing you'll notice being in uniform is that you tend to be the person people will ask for help. After all, you're a pilot so you must know everything! Even if you've never been to the airport you're in before! There are those crew members that take offense to this, but usually it doesn't bother me. I'm happy to help when I can. Mostly, people are just looking to find out where a gate is. After all, no two airports are the same. Signage isn't always the best either. Also, I believe that most travelers aren't all that travel-savvy. I don't have any data to back this up however, based on what I see around airports on a very regular basis, I would guess that around 50% of all travelers fly about once per year. So, they are understandably out of their normal surroundings.

Oh, real quick request! To all you travelers out there: Do me (and many others) a really really really big favor. Airports can be crowded places. PLEASE, when you are walking along in a big group and you feel you need to either look at something or you feel you're not in the right place, DO NOT just stop in the middle of everyone!!!! There are lots of people around you. I mean really, when you're driving down a highway, and you aren't sure what exit you're at, do you slam on your brakes and come to stop on the roadway to figure it out???? Please, just step to the side. It's a simple thing and we'd really appreciate it. Thanks. OK, rant over.

Not long ago, I was commuting home (in uniform, of course) and I was sitting next to a couple of travelers that were very nervous flyers. The were both very nice, but obviously WAY out of their comfort zone. I tried to ease their minds by saying, "OK, just keep an eye on me, if I'm nervous, then you can be!" (It is true that if you are riding in the back, wearing a pilot uniform, if the ride gets nasty, people will be looking at you to see how you're reacting.) They had LOTS of questions. And, in their defense, there are a lot of noises in an airplane. Every time there was a new noise I was met with a "what was that?" So, I told them. We even got to the point where a new noise would be heard, a head would turn towards me, and I would just say what the noise was. (i.e. spoilers, flaps, gear, thrust reduction, etc.) It was actually kinda fun in an odd way.

There's another item I notice when I walk up to a gate in uniform. You can even see this yourself. Just go sit by a gate roughly an hour prior to departure. Somewhere between 30 and 60 mins is usually when the crew will arrive at the gate assuming the inbound crew isn't just taking the next flight back out. Now, when the flight attendants show up, some people might notice. However, when one of the pilots walks up to the gate, it's quite different. Most of the passengers will look up and give the pilot a once over. It's as if they are sizing us up, seeing if we look credible, awake, trustworthy, have grey hair, etc. This of course is judging a book by it's cover and perhaps it's not even fair. But, it's real. This is what occurs.

Along that same line, consider this about the uniform. In wearing one, you represent an entire industry whether you like it or not. I despise seeing a pilot who looks like a uniform douche. Examples? How about wearing sunglasses when walking inside a terminal, at night. Or, dark slacks, black shoes and white socks. How about untucked shirts. Or better yet, a chrome studded belt like Hannah Montana. Yes, I've seen all of these with my own eyes. I was in therapy for months after seeing the studded belt.

Sometimes it goes beyond just appearance. Ever see a pilot walking along talking on a cellphone loudly with the vocabulary of Eminem of Jay-Z? Even better, I've seen some fairly junior pilots standing by a gate talking quite audibly about all the things they'd love to do to one of their flight attendants. OK, we all have our fantasies. I couldn't care less about that. However, leave that conversation for the bar. I had passengers at that gate approach ME and ask for an explanation of their behavior. I wasn't even with the same company as them! I simply told them they were perfectly correct to be unhappy and that they should make a complaint with the airline by having the gate agent call for a customer service representative for them to speak with right there.

Then we come to pilots smoking in uniform. I know, it's not strictly prohibited as drinking in uniform is, but I still think it looks awful. This isn't the roaring twenties anymore. We don't fly with a white scarf and goggles. Pilots with cigarettes look like crap. There, I said it. Pilots with a lip full of chewing tobacco isn't far behind, either. However, its usually less noticeable at least.

In other news, I've never been one to follow "trendy" things. The world of fashion is just a big farce as far as I'm concerned. So, reading this headline was great news!