Multi-tasking at it's finest

Just have to share this... This morning saw a fantastic display of multi-tasking. I took a dump while shaving! Seriously! I'm an electric razor kinda guy, so it wasn't too complicated.

After all, if you're on the crapper, what else are you doing besides not being very comfortable? It's wasted time. I've even been known to pull a small table into the bathroom and bring my laptop in there. I call it, "The Shitternet."

Who wants to "Log on" and join the revolution?

Flying a pet

http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/traveling-pets-airlines-dog-deaths/story?id=11198807

I won't do it. Absolutely not. Never. There are times when people feel it's the only option, but I still wouldn't do it. I'd drive across the country myself if need be. I would never throw my pet to that "machine" known as airline baggage handling. No way.

I've seen the baggage machine in action. To be fair, I have seen rampies that actually take a few extra seconds to consider the well being of a living breathing animal. But for the most part, it's just another piece of baggage. I've seen animal crates left out in the cold next to a plane because it was one person's job to get that piece of baggage to the plane, and it's someone else's job to put it in. That second person wasn't there yet, so the first person dropped it off in sub-zero temps, and just left it there on the tarmac.

Some planes don't have all their cargo locations heated. This means, live animals can only be carried in the heated areas since it's often -50 deg C or colder at cruise altitude. I've heard stories of pets being loaded into the wrong bin, with nothing said to the crew. Upon arrival, the crew was informed of a "dogscicle" found in one of the cargo bins. Frozen completely solid.

I also think of the rear-engined CRJ series aircraft, and the noise level in that aft cargo compartment. All in all, it's surely a loud and scary experience for the animal even if all goes as well as it can.

I think when you check a pet as airline cargo, you are rolling the dice. You might end up with a live pet at the end, but you also might not. As the above article states, when things do go wrong, it's a truly horrid, painful and fatal experience for your pet. I care far too much about my pet to subject them to such. If I wouldn't ride in the cargo compartment myself, then I wouldn't subject my pet to it either.

That said, there are a few people that I would gladly stuff in a cargo bin...

Management Glasses

Ever heard of beer goggles? Likely, you have. But just in case you haven't let's consult the pages of the Urban Dictionary:

1. Beer Goggles:
Phenomenon in which one's consumption of alcohol makes physically unattractive persons appear beautiful; summed up by the phrase, "there are no ugly women at closing time"

OK, with that in mind, have you ever wanted to put on some goggles and get a good feel for how airline management views it's line pilots?

Here! Press play and try on these goggles!

The unsung heros of aviation

http://blogs.forbes.com/wheelsup/2010/06/08/the-aviation-spouse-the-unsung-hero-of-the-flying-world/

One of the best articles out there about something that doesn't get much press in this industry.

What makes a good landing?

On a recent trip, I had my best landing ever. The Best. Best best best. Super uber awesome. I have had some good ones here and there, and some really awesome ones on rare occasions. This one, blew all those away. Just incredible. Dare I say... perfect. I won't be able to best this one. Ever. It was seriously that good.

Throughout the whole trip, I had just about all good landings. There was one that wasn't awful, but was certainly more firm than the others. I still got some, "nice landing!" comments. So, when I pulled off the best landing of my career, I stood at the doorway of the flightdeck, saying good-bye to the passengers and not one single remark of any kind was made about my frankly, super-human display of landing prowess. Not one. *shrug*

Now like anyone who takes great pride in his/her trade, this did bruise the ego a bit, but I bounce back quickly. Truthfully, what it really did was make me wonder, "Just what is it that passengers think makes a great landing?" I have heard some passengers complain about a landing because both main gear didn't touch down at the same time. I had to laugh a little since anyone that knows ANYTHING about actually flying an airplane will tell you that in a cross-wind scenario, the correct technique involves touching the up-wind wheel down first. But, I'm starting to think there are other things which pilots and passengers aren't in agreement with for the "great landing" nominations.

Any ideas?

How it feels

I just ran across one of the classic Far Side cartoons from the great Gary Larson. This one, had a very familiar feel to it. With some very minor modifications, it shows just how I feel as a regional airline pilot.

Men's Health Magazine

Since I'm a commuter, as I've stated before, I spend a LOT of time in the cabin of aircraft. I've been noticing lately, that an awful lot of dudes that sit next to me, are reading Men's Health Magazine.

Now, that's fine. I personally don't read it, but that doesn't mean it's bad. I can't really say. However, I have noticed something. All the guys I see on the cover are all buff, in shape, stud muffins. Yet, 99.4% of all the guys that I see reading this magazine, look nothing like the men depicted in the magazine. In fact, most of them appear to be on the rotund side.

Makes me wonder if any buff and cut dudes out there are reading this magazine too, and I just never see them, or if they are too busy busting their butts exercising and eating right to be bothered with reading such a magazine...

Just seems funny to me.

Fresh Balls

http://www.sofreshsodry.com/products/fresh-balls/

I think any pilot who has worked in the summertime would see this product and say one or more of the following:

"What in the hell?"

"That's some funny sh*t right there!"

"I just might need to try that!"

I think we might just need a review of this product. It is summer, after all!

And, we don't wanna leave the ladies out, so here's a similar product for them!

http://www.sofreshsodry.com/products/fresh-breasts/

El Camino del Rey

With all the crap news that seems to be the norm lately, I think it's time for a quick break from all of it. I don't often post non-aviation related things, but this one is just too cool.

Personally, I think this makes shooting a single engine non-precision approach in actual night IFR look like a pretty calm undertaking.

More info on this pathway here.


(double click for full size)

Ain't it the truth?

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage." -Mark Russell

What crews mean to management

So, turns out, the actual employees that work at Mesaba and Compass had no idea they were being sold. No clue. The upper management likely new about it, but the employees that do the actual work aren't viewed as actual human beings in the regional airline business.

Think about it. You're a regional airline pilot. People's lives are in your hands day in and day out. You represent your company and your industry to the public with just about everything you do. The FAA is breathing down your neck any chance they get, and the company thinks highly of you. So highly, in fact, that in order to rapidly disseminate critical company news that could very affect the careers of their employees, the company chooses a highly official system. Yup, keep your employees completely in the dark and then let them read about it in the newspaper.

Are you f*cking kidding me? These big salary captains of industry don't even have the balls to tell their employees news like that themselves? What a bunch of clowns. That, ladies and gentleman, is a perfect example of how upper management views it's employees at a regional airline. They don't give a flying crap. Plain and simple. They might talk about how they care, but they sure lack actually showing it.

Will AMR Sell American Eagle?

I guess we'll see if the Eagle pilots will be treated any better if they get sold. At least the newspaper articles seem to be ahead of the game on things for them.

Sold...

http://atwonline.com/airline-finance-data/news/delta-sells-subsidiaries-mesaba-compass-pinnacle-trans-states-0701

Wow. I sure can't say I saw that coming. There's been an awful lot of rumor mill madness since the whole Delta take over of Northwest. Mesaba, Compass, Comair, Skywest, ASA, Colgan, Pinnacle, Mesa... (Did I miss any?) all regional airlines serving one major. I think we were all kinda hoping that Pinnacle would go away. Instead, Mesa was the first one under the gun. It took several shots, but eventually, the Delta lawyers kept at it and the contract between Mesa and Delta was no more. I shudder to think how much those lawyers cost...

Most of us figured there would be another regional on the chopping block. Compass and Mesaba seemed safe in the past since they were wholly owned, not independent contractors to Delta. Pinnacle has built a very shoddy reputation in this industry. Horrid management, very slack safety practices, and lots of bent metal. Using logic, you'd think this was the kind of company that Delta wouldn't want to do business with. After all, the Colgan Q400 that went down in Buffalo, killing 50 people, did so with a Continental Airlines logo on it's tale. It was pretty obvious in the news since the tail was the one identifiable piece of the airframe remaining.

However, Mesaba and Compass were just sold off. That part, honestly, doesn't shock me. I don't think the majors care to "own" regionals anymore. However, the two companies that Delta sold to is what shocked me. Compass went to Trans States. Ouch. Trans States has been shitting on it's employees for years and years. They are currently facing $2.5 Million in fines from the FAA due to a "litany of maintenance lapses." Sounds like a great company to work with. I don't even know how long it's been since they had a fair contract with their crews.

Mesaba was sold to Pinnacle. Where do we even start with this one. If we take into account that Colgan is owned by Pinnacle, then we can start with the Q400 crash in Buffalo, which killed 50 people. Going back a little further, flight 3701 was a reposition flight with no passengers aboard. I could go on at length about this one. The pilots did everything they could to get the aircraft to 41,000 ft for their own pride and egos. They made it. But they're both dead now. There was also a little incident in Traverse City, Michigan. Poor weather conditions and poor crew judgment lead to the aircraft landing and running off the end of the runway. Pinnacle even had several incidences where they went to take off with ice on the wings, only to be stopped by another airline pilot who was deadheading on the flight, who noticed the ice and saw the crew was not stopping in the deice pad. They were going to try and take off. The pilot stood up and announced to the passengers that we was a qualified pilot on that aircraft and this plane will not fly with contaminated wings. It also can't take off with him out of his seat. The plane returned to the gate and the flight was canceled. A similar incident with contaminated wings was averted only by the tower closing the runway due to snow build up before they could attempt a take off.

This is a big sign to the traveling public. Do you recall how I was saying that no airline CEO really gives a crap about safety even though they always talk about how safe their operations are? After all, safety costs money. All a business person wants to do is lower costs and maximize profits. Good maintenance costs money. Having more pilots to avoid overworking your crews costs money. Why the hell would a bean counter want anything to do with safety? You might say, if you don't pay now by investing in safety, you will pay later when an aircraft crashes and people die. However, this isn't how things are looked at in the airline business. Everything is very reactive, rather than proactive. After all, the excel spread sheet shows how much money can be made if they cut corners right now. A crash? Eh, deal with that later.

If Delta gave a shit about safety, they would have never sold two very solid companies like Compass and Mesaba to companies like Pinnacle and Trans States. After all, with the sale, goes the aircraft and the routes. Delta has just rewarded the piss poor actions of Pinnacle and Trans States with more aircraft and more flying. More business. All Delta sees is money. They don't care that so much regional flying is now going to be under the control of the bottom of the barrel in terms of safety culture, crew pay and crew treatment. They should care, as that's the Delta logo on all of those RJ tails. But, some excel-pilot sees that they are the cheapest carriers. They don't care about the safety. They don't care about the customer. They care only about the customer's money and having fingers to point away from themselves.

And, it's really a slap in the face to the existing employees of both Pinnacle and Trans States when you think about it. They can't seem to ever have any money to pay their crews a decent wage, but they have tens of millions sitting around to buy other companies!