Twaat did you say?

I'll admit, twitter has never really interested me all that much. I don't really care to hear about every completely and totally trivial event in everyone's lives. "Hey, I just took a shit and it looked like Long Island!" "Going to get my genital warts removed." "Picked my nose and my boog was orange!" However, I've developed a lack of care in posting here with various stories from the line. Mostly, because my job has tended to be filled only with crappy ass things. The search is still on for another place of employment. I'm currently working a few avenues, but nothing is set yet. Time shall tell.

Anyways, one of the more annoying and sometimes humorous sides of my current job is to hear what passengers have to say. Sometimes they say really nice things and show a level of understanding and appreciation. Other times, even the flight is smooth, landing is great, and we're at the gate early, people just piss and moan to the hilt.

So, I signed up for a twitter site. No, I won't be keeping anyone informed of my trips to the lav or the socially awkward dried toothpaste smear on my pants. Nope, this is just going to be a collection of things I hear from passengers, be it on one of my flights, a commute flight, sitting around the terminal, or whatever. Just a little live feed of the things I hear at work.

Facing the music

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. `I'm starting to face the reality that this "flying for a living" dream just isn't working out. It's a painful pill to swallow for sure, but one that seems looming. Worst part is, the decision isn't being made for me like it is for others that might be deemed less fortunate. Three and four time furloughees don't have much choice in the matter. Most of them accept the fact and then move on to something else.

This decision is left to me. I do have a job, but it's not one I'd like to keep for an extended period. This isn't a decision I'm making because I'm not any good at my job. I'm one of the best. I don't walk around bragging about it, but I work VERY damn hard at what I do. I take flying very seriously. I have taken great pride in my ability to be a great pilot. However, in the airline industry, no matter how good or bad you are, it has nearly zero affect on how your career progresses. EVERYTHING rides on your seniority number. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

It's become quite obvious that my company doesn't give two shits about me. I might have $100,000 worth of training to be able to do this job, and I'm being told that in this new world of CRM that I have much more authority and responsibility, but I'm still paid less than the guy on the fry machine at McDonalds. They might say they want FOs who stand up for themselves and for what's right, what's SOP, and what's safe for the aircraft and it's passengers. However, when the penny drops, my company has not done A SINGLE THING to actually show in any way, that they themselves buy that load of shit. Then, there are those Captains that I get to fly with sometimes. The ones who who are nothing but 20+ year cry babies telling me how tough it used to be for them and, "We've all paid our dues..." Ask most of those assclowns how long THEY spent in the right seat. Many of them hired in as "Street Captains," meaning they never sat in the right seat. Others spent no more than a few months in the right seat. Yeah, cry me a fucking river on just how many dues you've paid. All you do is bitch while I do all the real work and you're always right. Not to mention you're paid 5 times more than I. I work harder, study harder, I know more about the plane than you and I fly it better than you. Those are the facts.

For me, I've been caught in the middle too long. The middle of the seniority list. And, I've not moved in years. Stuck in the right seat, still not even making $30k/year, and routinely flying with some major league jackoffs. They miss calls, they forget about speed and/or crossing restrictions, they load the FMS wrong, they can't taxi the damn plane without getting lost, etc, etc. Don't get me wrong, I make plenty of mistakes, too. I said I was a great, not perfect. When I screw up, I'm happy when the other guy catches it. That's why I thought there were two of us up there. I'm sick of the Captain who is all high and mighty, treating me like a second rate human being who makes at least 17 mistakes to any 1 of mine. And, when there has been an issue between myself and a Captain, airline management just tells me I'm a pissant FO and the Captain is always right. I'm caught between the training department telling me how much responsibility I have, that it's my job to step up and be part of the flight deck team, and airline management never once backing me in any way no matter how incredulous a Captain's actions were.

So, I've set a date. If, by this date, I'm not in another flying job or at least the left seat of some 121 aircraft, then I'm calling it quits. Consider the towel thrown in. Of course, there is the small question of, "Would I go back to flying on my own, as a GA pilot?" For now, the answer is no. I'm just ready to walk away from it all at this point. While it is true that I was miserable in my previous career which had me at a desk all day, looking at myself now, I'd hardly refer to this as, "loving life." At least I'd be able to get my head back above water in a financial sense.

So, to the handful of readers I have out there, thanks for reading. I don't expect to make any future posts here. I've said what I needed to say, and I'll just leave it at that.

Biting my lip

Yesterday, I was walking along in the terminal heading to the gate for my first leg of the day. It was morning. Early morning. There were plenty of people around, but it was mostly quiet as everyone was looking "not quite awake" as they wandered from security to the coffee shop and then off to their gates. All was very pleasant. Then, behind me, the unmistakable sound of some all too important, self-absorbed loud ass blabbing away on a cell phone. Some people just have the type of voice that shouldn't be allowed in public. At least at certain hours of the morning. You could actually feel all the other passengers hate this woman as we all walked along with minimal noise, then there was her, flapping her gums as full volume.

Then, out of her pie hole comes, "Argh... my feet are just KILLING me!!!!" At that, I glanced over my shoulder at this person who has been ruining the morning's peace. She was at least 250 lbs, and no more than 5 foot tall. I managed to bite my lip, but there was a serious desire to say to her, "I know why!!!"

Commuting

I've had tough commutes in the past. I still commute, however, it's gotten a lot better and shorter. All in all, I can't really complain all that much. Especially when I see something like this. While this is a short commute, when talking about time and distance, it's very very different. This is one hell of a commute.

I'm all for adventure and being "out there." However, I'm not certain if I could actually do a job like this. Seriously. Perhaps it would take me a long time to build up confidence, but shit. To think about me actually doing this today makes my nuts quiver. This is a POV video, which porn fans will immediately identify as "Point of View." It covers climbing the last 200ft of a 1768ft transmission tower. (Best when viewed in full-screen mode.)

Disclaimer: More than a few people have reported not being able to watch the whole video due to feeling queezy.



(Video link repaired)

You're dangerous!

I have to admit, I never caught this when it aired on SNL with Val Kilmer. Can you believe that Val Kilmer is 50 now? Man, I guess I'm not young anymore either. Anyways, I'll add this to the "must see" list of web clips.


SNL -Top Gun 727,-Will Ferrell & Val Kilmer - MyVideo

My thoughts exactly

From SMBC Comics.

Trip Grub

As we have covered before, it's not easy to eat right when on the road. There are ways, and it can be done. The most reliable way is to pack your food and bring it with you. Not always convenient, but it does work.

There are times, however, when you just don't have any food to pack, and you end up having to eat what you can get when on a trip. When only limited to fast food, I typically make the choice of Wendy's. Why? First off, on your burger you get actual leaves of lettuce and a slice of tomato rather than what remains when you put lettuce and a tomato through a paper shredder. And, the story of Dave Thomas and the formation of the Wendy's empire is a really cool one.

However, this is still typical fast food when talking burgers. So, today I decided to go for something new. A Wendy's salad. I chose the BLT cobb salad. I wasn't expecting more than a little bowl filled with burger accessories. I was wrong. Quite wrong, in fact. What I had was simply magnificent! Honest! It was easily as good as any cobb salad I have had in a traditional restaurant. It really was very very good. Blew me away.

I also feel the need to admit that while this salad was quite good, that "full" feeling didn't last very long. :( Maybe I need another?

Aircraft crashes into multiple buildings

Terrible, just terrible. I wonder how the folks in those buildings felt!

More from the TSA (with comments)

Taken from: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-10996471


Rochdale man 'took 200 fireworks on US plane'

An airline passenger claims he was allowed to take more than 200 fireworks on two flights in the United States.

Paul Jones, 29, from Rochdale, Greater Manchester, flew across the US from Kansas to Houston and back to the UK with a bag of bangers - and a lighter.

It was only at Heathrow Airport that officials expressed concern, he said.

You mean the TSA here in the states missed something like this????

Continental Airlines said it did not have a record of the incident, but that it warned customers about hazardous materials prohibited on aircraft.

Oooooh, yes, warning customers is all that you need to do. After all, terrorists and criminals are all well known for following the rules!

Bangers, which are explosives packed in a small tube, are banned from sale in the UK under The Fireworks (Safety) Regulation 1997.

US Federal law prohibits hazardous materials, such as fireworks, from being included in either checked in or carry-on baggage.

In this case, "prohibits" seems to suggest some level of enforcement. How about, "US federal law says that we ask people people to not have these items." Seems more accurate.

Mr Jones has been visiting Wichita, Kansas, during US Independence Day celebrations on 4 July and was left with the bag of Black Cat fireworks.

Deciding to take them home to Greater Manchester, he did not consider the security implications.

"I put them in my pocket, walked through then put them on a grey tray at the customs and security. They had to go through the x-ray," he said.

Even better! They were in the grey tray and went through the x-ray machine and everything! HOWEVER, since they were not liquid, they must have not been a threat!

It was when Mr Jones arrived back at Heathrow last month that his prohibited goods were discovered by UK staff.

This is just yet another classic case and point of why those of us who see TSA work on a very regular basis, think they are a complete and total sham.

Airline briefing card update

Caption contest

This is just one of those great pictures that needs a caption. Anyone want to offer up any suggestions?

Multi-tasking at it's finest

Just have to share this... This morning saw a fantastic display of multi-tasking. I took a dump while shaving! Seriously! I'm an electric razor kinda guy, so it wasn't too complicated.

After all, if you're on the crapper, what else are you doing besides not being very comfortable? It's wasted time. I've even been known to pull a small table into the bathroom and bring my laptop in there. I call it, "The Shitternet."

Who wants to "Log on" and join the revolution?

Flying a pet

http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/traveling-pets-airlines-dog-deaths/story?id=11198807

I won't do it. Absolutely not. Never. There are times when people feel it's the only option, but I still wouldn't do it. I'd drive across the country myself if need be. I would never throw my pet to that "machine" known as airline baggage handling. No way.

I've seen the baggage machine in action. To be fair, I have seen rampies that actually take a few extra seconds to consider the well being of a living breathing animal. But for the most part, it's just another piece of baggage. I've seen animal crates left out in the cold next to a plane because it was one person's job to get that piece of baggage to the plane, and it's someone else's job to put it in. That second person wasn't there yet, so the first person dropped it off in sub-zero temps, and just left it there on the tarmac.

Some planes don't have all their cargo locations heated. This means, live animals can only be carried in the heated areas since it's often -50 deg C or colder at cruise altitude. I've heard stories of pets being loaded into the wrong bin, with nothing said to the crew. Upon arrival, the crew was informed of a "dogscicle" found in one of the cargo bins. Frozen completely solid.

I also think of the rear-engined CRJ series aircraft, and the noise level in that aft cargo compartment. All in all, it's surely a loud and scary experience for the animal even if all goes as well as it can.

I think when you check a pet as airline cargo, you are rolling the dice. You might end up with a live pet at the end, but you also might not. As the above article states, when things do go wrong, it's a truly horrid, painful and fatal experience for your pet. I care far too much about my pet to subject them to such. If I wouldn't ride in the cargo compartment myself, then I wouldn't subject my pet to it either.

That said, there are a few people that I would gladly stuff in a cargo bin...

Management Glasses

Ever heard of beer goggles? Likely, you have. But just in case you haven't let's consult the pages of the Urban Dictionary:

1. Beer Goggles:
Phenomenon in which one's consumption of alcohol makes physically unattractive persons appear beautiful; summed up by the phrase, "there are no ugly women at closing time"

OK, with that in mind, have you ever wanted to put on some goggles and get a good feel for how airline management views it's line pilots?

Here! Press play and try on these goggles!

The unsung heros of aviation

http://blogs.forbes.com/wheelsup/2010/06/08/the-aviation-spouse-the-unsung-hero-of-the-flying-world/

One of the best articles out there about something that doesn't get much press in this industry.

What makes a good landing?

On a recent trip, I had my best landing ever. The Best. Best best best. Super uber awesome. I have had some good ones here and there, and some really awesome ones on rare occasions. This one, blew all those away. Just incredible. Dare I say... perfect. I won't be able to best this one. Ever. It was seriously that good.

Throughout the whole trip, I had just about all good landings. There was one that wasn't awful, but was certainly more firm than the others. I still got some, "nice landing!" comments. So, when I pulled off the best landing of my career, I stood at the doorway of the flightdeck, saying good-bye to the passengers and not one single remark of any kind was made about my frankly, super-human display of landing prowess. Not one. *shrug*

Now like anyone who takes great pride in his/her trade, this did bruise the ego a bit, but I bounce back quickly. Truthfully, what it really did was make me wonder, "Just what is it that passengers think makes a great landing?" I have heard some passengers complain about a landing because both main gear didn't touch down at the same time. I had to laugh a little since anyone that knows ANYTHING about actually flying an airplane will tell you that in a cross-wind scenario, the correct technique involves touching the up-wind wheel down first. But, I'm starting to think there are other things which pilots and passengers aren't in agreement with for the "great landing" nominations.

Any ideas?

How it feels

I just ran across one of the classic Far Side cartoons from the great Gary Larson. This one, had a very familiar feel to it. With some very minor modifications, it shows just how I feel as a regional airline pilot.

Men's Health Magazine

Since I'm a commuter, as I've stated before, I spend a LOT of time in the cabin of aircraft. I've been noticing lately, that an awful lot of dudes that sit next to me, are reading Men's Health Magazine.

Now, that's fine. I personally don't read it, but that doesn't mean it's bad. I can't really say. However, I have noticed something. All the guys I see on the cover are all buff, in shape, stud muffins. Yet, 99.4% of all the guys that I see reading this magazine, look nothing like the men depicted in the magazine. In fact, most of them appear to be on the rotund side.

Makes me wonder if any buff and cut dudes out there are reading this magazine too, and I just never see them, or if they are too busy busting their butts exercising and eating right to be bothered with reading such a magazine...

Just seems funny to me.

Fresh Balls

http://www.sofreshsodry.com/products/fresh-balls/

I think any pilot who has worked in the summertime would see this product and say one or more of the following:

"What in the hell?"

"That's some funny sh*t right there!"

"I just might need to try that!"

I think we might just need a review of this product. It is summer, after all!

And, we don't wanna leave the ladies out, so here's a similar product for them!

http://www.sofreshsodry.com/products/fresh-breasts/

El Camino del Rey

With all the crap news that seems to be the norm lately, I think it's time for a quick break from all of it. I don't often post non-aviation related things, but this one is just too cool.

Personally, I think this makes shooting a single engine non-precision approach in actual night IFR look like a pretty calm undertaking.

More info on this pathway here.


(double click for full size)

Ain't it the truth?

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage." -Mark Russell

What crews mean to management

So, turns out, the actual employees that work at Mesaba and Compass had no idea they were being sold. No clue. The upper management likely new about it, but the employees that do the actual work aren't viewed as actual human beings in the regional airline business.

Think about it. You're a regional airline pilot. People's lives are in your hands day in and day out. You represent your company and your industry to the public with just about everything you do. The FAA is breathing down your neck any chance they get, and the company thinks highly of you. So highly, in fact, that in order to rapidly disseminate critical company news that could very affect the careers of their employees, the company chooses a highly official system. Yup, keep your employees completely in the dark and then let them read about it in the newspaper.

Are you f*cking kidding me? These big salary captains of industry don't even have the balls to tell their employees news like that themselves? What a bunch of clowns. That, ladies and gentleman, is a perfect example of how upper management views it's employees at a regional airline. They don't give a flying crap. Plain and simple. They might talk about how they care, but they sure lack actually showing it.

Will AMR Sell American Eagle?

I guess we'll see if the Eagle pilots will be treated any better if they get sold. At least the newspaper articles seem to be ahead of the game on things for them.

Sold...

http://atwonline.com/airline-finance-data/news/delta-sells-subsidiaries-mesaba-compass-pinnacle-trans-states-0701

Wow. I sure can't say I saw that coming. There's been an awful lot of rumor mill madness since the whole Delta take over of Northwest. Mesaba, Compass, Comair, Skywest, ASA, Colgan, Pinnacle, Mesa... (Did I miss any?) all regional airlines serving one major. I think we were all kinda hoping that Pinnacle would go away. Instead, Mesa was the first one under the gun. It took several shots, but eventually, the Delta lawyers kept at it and the contract between Mesa and Delta was no more. I shudder to think how much those lawyers cost...

Most of us figured there would be another regional on the chopping block. Compass and Mesaba seemed safe in the past since they were wholly owned, not independent contractors to Delta. Pinnacle has built a very shoddy reputation in this industry. Horrid management, very slack safety practices, and lots of bent metal. Using logic, you'd think this was the kind of company that Delta wouldn't want to do business with. After all, the Colgan Q400 that went down in Buffalo, killing 50 people, did so with a Continental Airlines logo on it's tale. It was pretty obvious in the news since the tail was the one identifiable piece of the airframe remaining.

However, Mesaba and Compass were just sold off. That part, honestly, doesn't shock me. I don't think the majors care to "own" regionals anymore. However, the two companies that Delta sold to is what shocked me. Compass went to Trans States. Ouch. Trans States has been shitting on it's employees for years and years. They are currently facing $2.5 Million in fines from the FAA due to a "litany of maintenance lapses." Sounds like a great company to work with. I don't even know how long it's been since they had a fair contract with their crews.

Mesaba was sold to Pinnacle. Where do we even start with this one. If we take into account that Colgan is owned by Pinnacle, then we can start with the Q400 crash in Buffalo, which killed 50 people. Going back a little further, flight 3701 was a reposition flight with no passengers aboard. I could go on at length about this one. The pilots did everything they could to get the aircraft to 41,000 ft for their own pride and egos. They made it. But they're both dead now. There was also a little incident in Traverse City, Michigan. Poor weather conditions and poor crew judgment lead to the aircraft landing and running off the end of the runway. Pinnacle even had several incidences where they went to take off with ice on the wings, only to be stopped by another airline pilot who was deadheading on the flight, who noticed the ice and saw the crew was not stopping in the deice pad. They were going to try and take off. The pilot stood up and announced to the passengers that we was a qualified pilot on that aircraft and this plane will not fly with contaminated wings. It also can't take off with him out of his seat. The plane returned to the gate and the flight was canceled. A similar incident with contaminated wings was averted only by the tower closing the runway due to snow build up before they could attempt a take off.

This is a big sign to the traveling public. Do you recall how I was saying that no airline CEO really gives a crap about safety even though they always talk about how safe their operations are? After all, safety costs money. All a business person wants to do is lower costs and maximize profits. Good maintenance costs money. Having more pilots to avoid overworking your crews costs money. Why the hell would a bean counter want anything to do with safety? You might say, if you don't pay now by investing in safety, you will pay later when an aircraft crashes and people die. However, this isn't how things are looked at in the airline business. Everything is very reactive, rather than proactive. After all, the excel spread sheet shows how much money can be made if they cut corners right now. A crash? Eh, deal with that later.

If Delta gave a shit about safety, they would have never sold two very solid companies like Compass and Mesaba to companies like Pinnacle and Trans States. After all, with the sale, goes the aircraft and the routes. Delta has just rewarded the piss poor actions of Pinnacle and Trans States with more aircraft and more flying. More business. All Delta sees is money. They don't care that so much regional flying is now going to be under the control of the bottom of the barrel in terms of safety culture, crew pay and crew treatment. They should care, as that's the Delta logo on all of those RJ tails. But, some excel-pilot sees that they are the cheapest carriers. They don't care about the safety. They don't care about the customer. They care only about the customer's money and having fingers to point away from themselves.

And, it's really a slap in the face to the existing employees of both Pinnacle and Trans States when you think about it. They can't seem to ever have any money to pay their crews a decent wage, but they have tens of millions sitting around to buy other companies!

So, you're the one.... Yes, Ma'am!

Most of you in the airline business have likely heard of this guy by now. You might even be expecting this blog to be another installment of bashing, but it won't be. Instead, I've got some different angles to talk about.

First off, if you haven't heard of Mr. Tim Martins, here's a little background info. He's an FO for American Eagle. There was an article in Airline Pilot, the Airline Pilots Association magazine called, "Wise Beyond His Years." The article was about FO Tim Martins, and in it he made some very impressive and specific claims about himself. Most notably, he flies F-16s for the 177th Fighter Wing of the NJ Air National Guard, and works as a firefighter and paramedic for Ladder Company #2 in NYC.

Well, once this article ran back in April of this year, there was quite a stir. This article made this guy out to be a role model for the ALPA Code of Ethics. However, no one was able to substantiate his claims. Turns out, the 117th Fighter Wing has never heard of him. That is when it all began to unravel.

So, first and foremost, this was a huge embarrassment for ALPA. I know you can't check every single fact every single time when publishing a magazine, but the irony of this is just too funny. Turns out the guy is totally full of shit about his background, has a history of being full of shit about lots of things in his past, yet he was touted as such an upstanding and exemplary pilot. Some of the quotes from the magazine:

"F/O Timothy Martins personifies pilot professionalism and living by the ALPA code of ethics."

"He is what ALPA stands for. Tim is ALPA."

"Nominated by F/O Ray Nicoll(Delta), F/O Martins was selected from an excellent field of pilots recommended by their peers."

Yikes. Yikes, yikes, yikes. A turn of events like that just makes your stomach churn. This article has since been removed from the online version of Airline Pilot magazine.

I will admit, I do understand a little of where FO Martins is coming from. I wanted to be a fighter pilot. Lots of us did. Hell, there isn't a pilot I've flown with yet that can't stream at least a few quotes from the movie Top Gun. No, the movie wasn't realistic at all, but it was damn entertaining. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about what might have been if I had been able to be a military pilot. Perhaps fantasy just went a little far for FO Martins. Perhaps he's even got a diagnosable medical condition where his brain has trouble keeping fact apart from fantasy. I don't think there is any screening for that in any FAA medical certification.

I certainly don't envy the position he is now in. I can't imagine him being able to get hired at any other airline now. With how much exposure this now has, he'll always be known as as a dishonest pilot. That's got to be tough to live every day with if he's still flying the line now. I've also heard that some ACTUAL fighter pilots are really steamed about this.

Let's look at it another way. OK, so he was full of crap. However, he didn't break any FAA regulations, he didn't do anything unsafe, and no one was in any danger for what he said. *shrug* The biggest problem is that it's an act of dishonesty. That doesn't reflect well on a professional pilot. That said, I think Mr. Martins would have a brilliant career in politics ahead of him. Or, perhaps airline CEO? After all, those are two very profitable careers that seem to reward dishonesty more often than not. Senator Tim Martins? I can see it happening.

The other point that came to mind for me was all the talk on the "internets" about FO Martins when this whole thing blew up.
http://www.airlinepilotforums.com/military/49320-military-poser-alpa-magazine.html
This thread has since reached epic proportions, however, at least at first, I was very impressed with the pilot groups out there as they weren't immediately going for the jugular. They were saying things like, "Hey, this doesn't sound right." "Lets get some information and see if this guys is really full of it." People were actually taking this very objectively. There was a suspicion and so they went forth and gathered actual information before hanging the accused out to dry. It was short lived since his story could not be validated, but that's fine. At least they gave him a chance. In an era where the media paints the accused to be guilty before proven innocent, it was great to see people attempting to give him the benefit of the doubt while they tried to dig up validation on his story. If only we could all be more like this more of the time.

We make WHAT!?

If you're reading this, then you likely understand that regional pilots, specifically first officers, do not make a whole lot of money. The other 99.999% of the public think that every airline pilot makes six figures. This is just the way of things.

A recent issue of Professional Pilot magazine ran a "2010 Pilot Salary Recap." I was curious, so I paged to that section. They showed the typical pay ranges for various turboprops, bizjets and the like. Then, I saw a category for Regional Jets. I was VERY curious.

Here are the pay rates they published for part 121 (aka airline) first officers in regional jets:

CRJ200 Average: $42,000 Low: $27,000 High: $62,000
CRJ700 Average: $47,000 Low: $35,000 High: $65,000
CRJ900 Average: $50,000 Low: $38,000 High: $71,000
ERJ145 Average: $42,000 Low: $31,000 High: $63,000
ERJ175 Average: $47,000 Low: $36,000 High: $67,000

All I could say after reading this was, "WTF!? Are you kidding me?!?!? Where in the holiest of all hells are you getting this information?" I emailed then asking them to justify this garbage information. Here's what I got back from them:

Dear Pilot Stig,

"We're Gay!"

-Propilot Magazine

OK, that's not what I got back. I haven't contacted them. I was about to, but then I found where they explain the data they have. Turns out, they sent out surveys to pilots and the data they gather back is what they publish. They do claim, however, they have a verification process of this data. Huh. Well, I guess there are a few points to make here:

If this data is just from pilots answering surveys, one would imagine that those pilots with embarrassingly low pay rates, wouldn't be as willing to let others know just how little they are paid. Pilots have egos, you know. Those pilots doing well, would feel more accomplished showing the salary they earn. This would sway the figures to the high side.

Lets also take note that the article states they received 22.2% of their surveys back from pilots. That's means that nearly 4/5ths of the data is MISSING!!! That's not an insignificant portion. This study is being published using data from 1/5th of the pilots they queried.

Since all pay rates are based on seniority (i.e. years of service), new hire FOs would be the lowest paid pilots. I would have to say that I don't know of a single US regional airline that pays their new hire FOs $30,000/year, yet the low figures published here are all OVER $30,000. That just doesn't pass the sniff test in terms of a true representation of what the lowest paid RJ pilots are being paid. Put it this way, back when Northwest was still around, their first year FO pay for the DC-9 was about $30,000/year. You really think regional airlines will be paying FOs more than a mainline carrier???

Most pay scales with airlines will "cap out." You will continue to be paid more and more each year you stay at one company. However, at some point, you will top out on the pay scale and not make anymore for subsequent years. Again, I don't know of ANY US regional carriers who have pay scales for FOs that reach numbers like this survey shows as its high figures. Again, the sniff test is not passed.

I willfully admit, I am only familiar with US regional carriers. Perhaps much of this data is for carriers overseas.

So, I guess the lesson learned here is to be very careful of what you read. These numbers are very misleading. I know ProPilot is just basing this off surveys, and they do state that on the first page of that report. I do question their verification process, since I just don't buy these figures as reasonable.

"There are liars, damned liars, and statisticians." - Mark Twain

The other stuff

There's a guy in Indiana that I keep in touch with, give advice to and answer questions for. He's wanting to do what I done. No, not clog a hotel toilet in the morning. He wants to ditch an existing career and fly airplanes for a living. I refuse to tell him, "Don't do it... you'll hate it... blaaa blaa..." But, I'm also not going to lead him on saying it's all rainbows and butterflies.

Even after only a year in the industry, I understood what those guys were talking about when they told me not to do this for a living, but its still something I'm glad I did. It fits me far better than the old "cubical farm" did. I just wasn't cut out for that.

As a long distance commuter, I have spent many an hour on the jumpseat of mainline aircraft. I think 90% of the captains on those planes and many of the FOs, have military aviation backgrounds. The particular crew that pops into my head, were both military pilots and we chatted a fair bit for the flight. Once they learned of my former career they said, "What made you wanna do this for a living?" I said that I had always loved planes, loved flying them, and I dearly hated my job. Their reply was, "Oh yeah, flying airplanes is great. But, it's not the flying part that's the problem!"

They really hit the nail on the head with that. The actual flying of the aircraft is really a fun and challenging job. It's the "other stuff" that's more difficult and annoying to deal with. Everything from reading endless company memos that seem to be meant for a 3 year old, to listening to your company management tell you how poorly flight crews do their job and how we're to blame for the company not making money. About 90% of what happens outside of the plane is a pain in the ass. Some things are worse than others. For the most part, once all the passengers are on board, and the cabin door is closed, about 90% of that work isn't bad at all. There are challenges involved in the flight, but the actual operation of the flight is what you've really signed up for.

When my Indiana buddy asks me a question, I don't pull the PR move and act like everything is great in my line of work. I try to be honest and fair. He knows and understands that. I wish I had more people like me to chat with before I made the jump to this career. I would have still done it, however, I certainly could have been better prepared for things. It would have made for fewer mistakes and a lot less stress.

New TSA Badge

Credit where it's due. This is the creation of Patrick Smith, who was the big inspiration for me to create this very blog. I highly recommend reading his book, Ask the Pilot.

As you may already have guessed, Patrick Smith is Pilot Stig approved! :-)

Top 10 Airline Myths

10. Airline pilots all make six figure salaries: In the regional airlines today, one might reach a 6-figure salary, but that will only be after being on the job with the same company for 20 years or more. All pay rates are based on "years of service" and those rates differ from company to company. Most companies are such that their most senior pilots are making just over $100k per year. However, at that same company, the most junior pilots are making less than $20k per year. All the other pilots are somewhere in between.

9. Airline pilots only work 2 weeks per month: While it is true that many regional pilots fly between 75 and 90 hours per month, don't be fooled into comparing this to most people's 40 hour week. As I explained in this post, 75 hours of pay means you can end up actually working 290 hours per month, taking into account all the time you spend sitting around airports and hotels. Airlines like to say that we are not working during this time and hence we aren't paid for it. However, we are required to be at the airport or hotel during this time, away from our homes and families. 290 hours per month works out to around 36 8-hour days per month, in case you were wondering. I'll be honest, I'm not a fan of Michael Moore, but even he seems to get it, as pointed out here.

8. The best pilots become Captains: When an airline pilot becomes a Captain is SOLELY based on seniority. Those pilots with the earliest date of hire with that company are the most senior. Based on how many aircraft the company operates and how much flying with do, there are a certain number of Captain and First Officer slots availible. When you hire, you'll be on the bottom of the list. In order to upgrade to Captain, there's really only a few things that can allow that to happen. If you are in the company long enough, and enough old guys retire, then you can move up enough in relative seniority to hold the left seat in something. Another way is for the company to experience very rapid growth. This means additional aircraft and additional flying, hence, more captain slots are available. The company will also be hiring more people, but all of them would be more junior to you, so your relative seniority would climb and you might be senior enough to get an upgrade. It has NOTHING to do with anything else. Skills, experience, how good a person you are, your background, your dashing good looks, how good a Captain you can be, etc. Compass Airlines is a very classic example of this. Many former ATA pilots took jobs at Compass. So, there are former DC-10 Captains who are now sitting in the right seat of an EMB-175. The guy or gal sitting in the left seat next to them might only have 1/10th of their hours, but they have an earlier date of hire in that company.

7. Airlines care about their pilots and cabin crews: At least at the regionals, this is laughable. The company doesn't care about their crews. It's obvious. We are merely an expense for them, and they seem to hate the fact that they actually need to pay us to make the whole company operate. Regional airlines constantly try to pressure flight crews into taking a flight with an aircraft that has an unsolved problem, or into weather that is below FAA minimum requirements. Pilots have been threatened with disciplinary actions if they were to refuse. When pilots get busted by the FAA for taking such a flight, the company throws their hands up saying "Hey, they're the pilots. They chose to go! We didn't make them! It's not our fault!" The company only views the crews as names and numbers that they seem to get off on bullying us around. Another great example of how the company views it's workforce is the treatment of ground crews. It's not uncommon for a huge group of rampies to be fired after a few years for no apparent reason. There is a reason. After being around for a few years, the rampies start to make more money. By firing senior rampies, and hiring new ones, the company is able to lower their operating costs. And, yes, this dose actually happen.

6. Airlines care about passengers: Regional airlines don't exist to be nice to you. All the TV commercials you see are made by advertising companies. Those companies aren't paid to tell you the truth. They are paid to get you to fly. It's business. Businessmen and businesswomen don't get to be successful by being nice, generous and giving people. Do you think Warren Buffett is a nice guy at business meetings? How about The Donald. No. It's business. It's not personal. It's money and that's it. It's faceless ruthlessness. That's how business people are. That's how they are trained to be. If you can screw someone else to make more money, then that is just what you do. Don't believe me? Go spend some time at an airport. Just sit around various gates and listen to what unfolds. Everything from an elderly passenger waiting on a aircraft for 30 minutes waiting on a wheelchair, to passengers looking at the "On Time" label next to their 5:30pm flight when the current time is 6:10pm.

5. Airlines care about safety: The only way airlines are interested in safety is in advertising. Stating that you are a safe airline and that you are safety oriented sounds great when trying to sell tickets. In practice, airlines will cut safety short whenever they can get away with it. Why? Airlines are a business. Safety regulations typically add inefficiencies to the system. Broken planes can't fly passengers and generate revenue. Fixing and maintaining airplanes is expensive. Crews without legal rest can not fly passengers and generate revenue. Weather delays mean canceled flights, lost revenue, and overbookings to deal with later. Business people are constantly on the hunt for ways to trim their operating costs. The FAA has many rules in place for aircraft, crews, etc, to protect the traveling public from the company cutting corners in safety in order to cut costs and make more money. Now, commonsense states that any money saved with this will be blown out of the water if a plane crashes and people die. However, airline managers don't seem to get this. They seem to only be reactive, not proactive. If the plane hasn't crashed yet, keep trimming. We'll deal with a crash when it happens. Besides, we can always call it, "pilot error." It's like company managers are a disease and the FAA is the vaccine designed to keep the infection at bay.

4. Pilots only work 8 hours per day: This depends on if you are using the company's definition of work, or the normal human definition of work. Pilots can fly up to 8 hours in a day. Sure. But we can be on duty for up to 16 hours in a day. That's TWICE the amount of time. On duty means we are required to be at the airport and available to the company. Yes, just sitting around. Sometimes for up to 5 hours straight. During this time (known as airport appreciation time), we are paid the mighty $1.50/hr per diem, and that's all. So, if you think of "on duty" as being "at work" then you are more of a normal human.

3. Pilots have 12 hours of rest every night: I've had everything from 8 hours rest to 21 hours rest on overnights. It varies constantly. However, the term "rest" is of particular importance in this discussion. See my post on Rest Defined. In summary, the FAA definition of rest, and Webster's definition of rest are NOT the same. 8 hours of "rest" usually means 5 hours of sleep if you're lucky.

2. Pilots always go on strike whenever they aren't happy: Airline pilots in the US are under the Railway Labor Act of 1947. This SEVERELY restricts a pilot group's ability to strike. A great example of this is the just ended Spirit Airlines strike. Those pilots had been trying to get a fair contract for THREE YEARS before they were able to actually walk off the job in protest of the company's treatment towards them. THREE YEARS of empty promises from management, low pay, and poor working conditions set by the company. This wasn't a case of unhappy temper tantrum pilots as the media has been portraying. The law prohibits that from occurring. The fact that those pilots actually got to the point where they legally went on strike, with all the RLA's restrictions, shows just how poorly Spirit management has treated the pilots on the line and in contract negotiations over the last THREE YEARS. All I hear in the media is the strike happened because of the pilots. In truth, THREE YEARS of bad management is what really made that strike happen.

And, the number one airline myth...

1. Airline pilots' jobs are all automated: Anyone who says this has NO F*CKING IDEA what they are talking about. That's just a fact. Several completely ignorant journalists out there have written things stating the auto pilot does everything and the pilots are just sitting there making money for doing nothing. To these douches, I ask this. Go take a type rating class for a regional jet or turboprop. Go ahead. I'm sure your company would even pay for it. Even if it's just a week or two long abbreviated course. After all, the whole course is a full month long. I would just love to see the expression on your faces when you try and shoot a simple visual approach backed up by a coupled ILS in visual conditions. Even with all systems operating, no bad weather to worry about, and not even a slam dunk from ATC. It will be oh so quickly that you realize the plane doesn't just fly itself. Please, this is a serious matter. After all, writing about something you are utterly clueless on is very irresponsible and an insult to your profession. Paging Mr Chris Pummmer! Paging Mr Marshall Brain! Try and fly one of these highly automated aircraft (full motion simulator would suffice just fine since you're likely not even pilots.) Then write an article telling us all how easy it actually was. I'll be here waiting.

Flying a heavy

http://www.khou.com/news/local/southwest-passenger-too-big--95897874.html

I have to say, Southwest is the only company that seems to have issues with big fatty's on their airplanes. In actuality, I think SWA is the only company with the balls to call out the "Overweight American." This country has had a growing overweight problem for some time now. I'll be honest, I'd like to lose a few pounds, but there is a difference in having a few extra pounds and a really truly obese person taking up more than their fair share of space.

Now, there might be a few of you out there who are going to act all high and mighty and say you understand the plight of large people and don't like when an airline alienates obese people. When these people are the ones assigned a seat next to a "beefy," I hear them say things that don't convey their supposed sincerity and understanding of larger persons. I hear phrases like, "Sweaty and smelly." "Rolls touching me the whole time." And, my favorite, "Spilling over the arm rest."

So, when I saw this news article, I didn't expect it to be more than the standard dichotomy as I just described. Then, I read the following:

"I guess because he’s a Florida man, and you see two-pieces all day on skinny women that you just wanna discriminate against a Texas woman or something. Everything in Texas is bigger. What, ya gonna ban the whole state?" Guillory added.

Just hold on a second there Bessie.... "Everything is bigger in Texas?" "Ban the whole state?" Holy crap, if I was from Texas, I'd be pretty pissed off. I bust my ass to stay in decent shape. This woman is LARGE. One does not require a medical doctor to see that she's obese. Maybe she is one of those unfortunate few that has a serious medical condition and she can not rid herself of so much body mass. HOWEVER, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say she's likely one of the other 99.999% of obese people that are victims of their own actions.

Point of fact, it's not easy for everyone to get and stay in shape. Especially when you consider how easy it is to eat junk food and be lazy. It's not easy to learn the complete anatomy of the human body either. So, if you don't put in the hours studying and learning it, you won't become a medical doctor. So, if you're eating fast food constantly, never working out and logging 1000s of hours of couch time, then don't run your damn mouth about how you are the victim.

Last time I checked, there were an awful lot of people from Texas that are not obese. Lance Armstrong is from Texas. I don't know anyone that would consider him out of shape. These women are from Texas as well. I don't see anyone here that is anywhere near the hugeness of Ms. Connie Guillory. She's obese. That's just a fact. There's no emotion or prejudice behind that. Based on her height, weight and body fat percentage, she is obese. Plain and simple.

It's been extensively documented in the medical community that it's not healthy to be of such size. We certainly seem to have no problem judging people whole smoke and drink. We know those activities are not conducive to healthy living. So, why is it so bad to call out the fatties? And why would this woman imply, in her apparent defense, that everyone else from the state of Texas is just as fat as she is? That isn't even a defense. It's simply a deflection, and a poor one at that.

Put down the burger and get your ass on a treadmill, Ms. Guillory. Trust me, all the passengers you sit next to will like it and most important of all, you will be happier with yourself and live a longer, healthier life.

Soapy parallels

So, I was taking dump at the hotel this morning... I didn't have anything to read at the time. All I could find was a bar of soap. I figured, well, it's better than just staring at the wall.

I began to read it's wrapper: "A botanical blend of ingredients to gently cleanse and condition the skin. Made with a pure aroma from organically grown plants and flowers and a luxurious blend of palm oils."

Directly below that, I read: "Ingredients: Sodium Palmate, Sodium Palm Kernelate, Water, Glycerin, Sorbitol, Palm Kernel Acid, Fragrance, Sodium Chloride, Mica and Titanium Dioxide, Tetrasodium EDTA, Tetrasodium Etidronte, Citric acid Iron Oxides, Yellow 5.

Hmmmm... you know... This bar of soap is a great parallel to airline CEOs. On one hand they are telling us how tough they have it, and how they can't make money, how many fees they must charge passengers, how expensive Jet-A is, how many crews will be furloughed, and how they can't afford to pay employees more money. Then, you look at their multi-million dollar salaries, custom suits, fancy cars, and endless stock options, none of which has ANYTHING to do with with their performance as a "captain of industry."

Why don't we ask them, "Hey, if you're the one running the company and taking all the credit and profit from success, why aren't you taking blame for the losses? Aren't you the big boss in charge? Could it be that you actually suck at your job and don't deserve your paycheck?"

Maybe you're good at it, maybe you're not. But, I think it's a question worth asking. I know if I can't perform on my job, my ass will be in the chief pilot's office with that very same question being asked of me. I think most people must perform on their job or they will risk losing that job.

Why is today's CEO considered so high and mighty? They are just people. Most are without medical, science or engineering degrees. They have accounting degrees and MBAs. They can be good, and they can really blow. It's time to weed out the ones that blow. It's time for performance based compensation for these high and mighty industry leaders. If they truly are so good, then they should have no problem whatsoever showing how awesome they are with RESULTS, thereby EARNING their paycheck. If they screw up, the don't get all their bonuses and stock options, and the make a meager wage like the rest of us. If they keep screwing up, it's out the damn door and no severance pay either!

If you take the job and say, "I can do this job and make this work," and you don't... that's false advertising and you shouldn't be rewarded for it. To bad, so sad.

My FFAOs post

I posted this just last month. It was meant to be half-serious. First half, yes, I really think it just might cause some of those oh-so-full-of-themselves passengers to cool the attitude a bit. However, second half, red tape would certainly strangle any such thing from actually happening.

However, looks like this FA is thinking it's a good idea!
http://www.indystar.com/article/20100604/NEWS02/6040391/1086/LIVING04/Flight-attendant-with-gun-arrested-at-airport?source=pn_s

Lightning

Not all that long ago, I was struck by lightning while flying. I saw the bolt right out the windscreen. It hit just to the side of the nose. And, in case you were wondering, there was indeed a browning of certain cotton fibers in the flightdeck that day.

However, my little incident doesn't hold a candle to this:

Video Link

It's also important to point out that even after that, the plane is flying along under power without any obvious issues besides a lot of ruined pants. Even the nav lights and strobes are functioning after the strike.

That's a serious nap

http://www.detnews.com/article/20100527/METRO02/5270453/1361/Ferndale-woman-sues-airlines-after-she-was-left-sleeping-on-plane

I'm guessing that most of you have heard of this incident by now. I wasn't going to actually blog about it, but I ran across some other blogs that were harping on this woman for the incident.

I will say, yes, this whole thing does sound a little preposterous, but then again, this is the airline industry. Preposterous is actually par for the course sometimes. The basic idea is this woman, Ginger McGuire, was exhausted from traveling, and she zonked out hard on her flight from Detroit to Philly. She claims that when she woke up, it was 3am, and she was alone on a dark airplane. After that, she claimed she didn't call for help since she was panicking. She was found during a routine security sweep by Police and TSA agents.

The first thing I can tell you, is that the flight attendant from this flight will be fired. And, I'll tell you why. The FAA regs state the following:

During the passenger boarding and deplaning phase on each flight, all of the flight attendants required by § 121.391(a) must be on board the airplane. (taken from this page)

This is the reason why a flight attendant can NOT step off the airplane even to assist a passenger on the jetway. They can't even put a carry on bag that doesn't fit in an overhead out on the jetway. If there are passengers on, they can't step one foot off that airplane. If they do, they will be fired. That's a regulation from the feds. Part 121.291(a).

It's an important rule, and I don't have a problem with it. However, I take great issue when some dipshit know-it-all frequent flier tells a flight attendant, "I fly all the time, and I know there is no such regulation." Yes, I have heard that very statement with my own ears. I wanted to slap the dick right out of that guys mouth.

It doesn't matter why this incident happened in terms of actions against the FA. The aircraft was an RJ with 50 seats or less, so it only required one FA. The law states that he/she MUST be on board if there is a single passenger on board. No ifs ands or buts. That's how the feds roll.

Now, to me it sounds like this crew was in a hurry to get off the plane and get to their hotel to get some rest. I'm guessing they had a short overnight scheduled, and the more time you spend dicking around at the airplane, the less time you have to spend relaxing/sleeping at the hotel. Or, if this crew was based at PHL, then they were done with their trip and anxious to get home. Nothing out of the ordinary, that's for sure.

At the end of the night, the passengers got off, and the FA likely just figured everyone was off. He/she might have looked back in the cabin, didn't see anyone, and then gathered their stuff, the pilots powered down the aircraft, everything went dark, and they all took off. Happens 1000s of times a day. This woman was likely slumped down out of view while she was sacked out. So, there are some points that need to be made here.

1.) The FA should have walked through the cabin to verify all passengers were off the plane.

2.) The law states the FA is required to be on board if a single passenger is on board. This FA left the plane with a passenger on board.

3.) Most people wake up on landing, especially MY landings!

4.) You'd have thought that SOME other passenger would have tried to wake her up, or make a comment to the FA on their way out... something. But, maybe this woman was seated further back than anyone else and the flight wasn't full. *shrug*

Playing the devil's advocate, if this woman was "faking" being asleep and stayed on the aircraft on purpose trying to have an excuse to sue an airline, the airline is still liable because she should have not had the opportunity to get away with such a stunt. The crew should have ensured that they left the aircraft secured, with no passengers on board. She was on the plane, and no crew member walked through the cabin to verify it was empty. Unless, you can prove that this women "hid" somewhere, like in an overhead (I'd pay to see someone fit in an ERJ145 overhead...) the crew will be held liable. FAs are cheap and are rarely in short supply. The FA is the most directly responsible, so they will be fired right away.

As far as the other two crew, the Capt will always receive all the credit for anything gone right, yet both the Capt and the FO will take the blame when things are wrong. Sometimes, it's a little heavier on the FO just as a scapegoat tactic. However, in some companies, the FO is mearly a decoration. So in that case, no matter if things end up great or awful, the FO won't be part of it at all. That could also be the case here. I don't know.

If I had been caught in the same situation as a passenger, I don't think I'd be suing the airline. Maybe she was faking it, but you'd have a hell of a time proving that. Bottom line, the crew left her on the plane. Whether she was actually asleep or not, it's simply not acceptable. No matter what the reason. So, she is suing the airline and like it or not, she does have the right to. I'm guessing the airline will settle out of court for it. They really don't have a leg to stand on that I see.

Ginger McGuire is suing on four counts. Negligence, false imprisonment, emotional distress and breech of contract. Likely, these were decided on and filed on her behalf by a lawyer. Negligence? Yes, the crew (hence the company) was negligent in leaving her on the plane when they left. False Imprisonment? Yeah. I'm guessing the cabin door was closed. It can be opened from the inside, but this woman is not trained in how to do that or anything. True, maybe she could have used an emergency exit, but she was left alone in a closed up and dark aircraft. Emotional Distress? Given the situation, that's a tough one to fight for the company. Just about any jury would see this as a very stressful situation. Breech of Contract? I don't know if it says on the back of your ticket in the fine print, "We promise to not leave you on board our aircraft after parking at the gate if you don't wake up." But, I'm pretty sure that's implied somewhere.

So, my predictions, if this does go to trial:
1.) Negligence, guilty as charged.
2.) False Imprisonment, could go either way, but I'm gonna guess guilty as charged.
3.) Emotional Distress, guilty as charged.
4.) Breech of Contract, guilty as charged.

Then again, we can surely take the angle of, if they actually paid flight attendants a respectable wage, they might actually get people that give a flying turd about doing their job to the best of their ability. As an employer, you really can't expect top notch performance out of employees that you barely compensate and treat like garbage. Alas, that's certainly for another blog...

BP Executives

Looks like I'm not alone in my opinion of some of these multi-million dollar leaders of industry....

http://www.borowitzreport.com/2010/05/25/experts-propose-plugging-oil-leak-with-bp-executives/

Andy Borowitz is Pilot Stig approved.

Old timers

Barry Schiff is a retired TWA Captain. He writes for AOPA magazine, among others I'm sure. The latest AOPA Magazine ran an article from Schiff called, "Poor Judgement." I read that article while on the crapper this morning. Not an important detail, but just felt like it was part of my story here.

In that article, Schiff talks of 5 pilots who did stupid things. At the end of the article, two things happen. First, he chastises the pilots for their actions and behavior and states they should have had their licenses suspended for what they did or didn't do. He then states that he has the authority to judge them because in all five cases, the pilot was none other than, Barry Schiff himself.

I didn't expect that ending, but I did find it refreshing. I was very impressed with his level of humility about such a topic. I think humility is a very undervalued trait in this line of work. I did enjoy the article, and I even went back and reread some of his descriptions for each of the 5 cases he spoke of.

Then, while wiping, I had another thought. What I am about to say is not intended to discredit Capt Schiff as he's obviously moved past these mistakes and been very successful throughout his career. But, I don't believe Barry Schiff would make it in this industry if he were to be starting out in this day and age.

Today, even private pilots are held to a far higher standard than they were back the 60s when Schiff was flying airliners. There was far less controlled airspace to know about, less security issues, less FAA rules and restrictions, etc. Today, flying feels like a tightrope walk. The minute a pilot screws up just one thing, BAM! The Feds come down on him/her like a ton of bricks. Schiff admits to accidents that involved damage to and near loss of aircraft and all souls aboard. If a pilot was to make those mistakes today, one would no longer be a pilot. At the very least, they wouldn't be considered by an airline for employment. Yet, here we have someone who, with those major incidents in his past, became an career airline pilot. He was even a check airman on the Boeing 767. Capt Renslow from Colgan had some failures in his past as well, and his aviation career came to a very abrupt end in a way that I think we're all aware of. Schiff explains this in one of the last paragraphs of his article.

"That these 5 pilots survived their own stupidity is no credit to their skill. If Lady Luck had not been present, we likely would have learned about their misadventures in sobering NTSB reports." - Barry Schiff

Airlines will not even consider a new hire with a past like that these days. Hell, look at the two NWA pilots that were out of radio contact and overflew Minneapolis. Was there any immediate danger? Did those pilots operate the aircraft in a reckless manner? Did they exceed the aircraft limitations? Did they land on a taxiway? (ahem, Delta) Where they being cowboys? No... they weren't. Did they let their guard down and get bit in the ass? Yes. Their flight landed safely. No one was hurt and there was no damage to the aircraft. Yet, both of those pilots are no longer pilots.

This is a bit like salt in a wound for me as I've spend a substantial amount of time in my career thus far listening to old timers talk down to me about how inferior I am because I have less hours in my logbook than they do. We are still in the paradigm that number of hours directly equates to competence.

Experience is a decent teacher, don't get me wrong. That is the sole basis of the argument from these old timers. By making mistakes, they learned lessons and are better now. "Without those mistakes under your belt, you can't be as good." Here is where I disagree. There are other teachers available. I think it's completely and totally foolish to expect every pilot out there to do something really foolish and/or crash and aircraft in order to learn to be a good and safe pilot. It's a flat ridiculous idea to even suggest it. There's a reason people learn about history. It's so that we don't make repeat mistakes.

Pilots these days are brought up in much tougher and complicated times. We indeed have lots of technology at our disposal which does make some things easier, that's true. However, just learning this new technology and all it's intricacies is a venture in it's own. Just ask any career airline pilot about their type ratings and just how much of the training is devoted to learning just the avionics of the new aircraft to be flown.

The FAA regulations still state that an aircraft with a gross take off weight of over 12,500lbs with turbojet power requires a type rating. However, the insurance companies have made it so that this rule is basically defunct. True, you might buy a Cessna 421. It's under 12,500lbs and is piston powered. You can be multi engine rated. The aircraft does not require a type rating per the FAA. However, you will NEVER find an insurance company that will cover you unless you attend a training course on the aircraft. I've completed training on an aircraft that didn't require a type rating. The actual training was identical to that of a type rating. At the end, there was, essentially, a "checkride." Since it's not a "type rating" it's just called a "proficiency check." It's the same damn thing no matter what you call it. The insurance companies have pushed forth policies that override the FAA and for you to fly damn near anything anymore, you'll need the equivalent of a type rating.

Back in WWII, new military pilots were being sent up in P-51 Mustangs with around 200 hrs of flight time under their belts. 200 HOURS??? Can you just imagine??? Schiff might have tens of thousands of hours in more than 300 types of aircraft but in an article he wrote in August 2007, he recounts just how many hoops he had to jump through in order to be allowed to fly a P-51 today. That is a classic case of what the aviation world is like today.

Is this all bad? Actually, no. After all, pilots today can't make all these mistakes in order to learn, as the old guys did. The authorities have realized that improvements and additional restrictions and training were necessary so that pilots could learn to avoid these mistakes without having to crash an airplane and to be able to say, "Man, I shouldn't do that!"

The use of and increased technology of simulators has also aided in increasing safety during this training. I have heard more than a few old timers crap on simulators. "Eh, that damn thing's just a box. It's not a REAL airplane." Whenever I hear that I just think, "Why is it that those that talk the most, seem to know the least?"

Simulators are a fantastic instruction and experience tool. In the past, all aircraft training and qualifications had to be done in the actual aircraft. The requirements were fewer. Crashes have occurred and lives were lost due to a simulated emergency becoming a real one. Flying the box allows the instructor to do whatever he wants to the pilot(s). He can cause a tire to blow out on take off or landing. He can change weather conditions in a snap. He can shut down one or more of your engines. He can fill the flightdeck with smoke. He can cause electrical systems to overload and fail. He can do damn near anything. You can build a lot of experience in the box in less time than the aircraft and be completely and totally safe while doing it.

There is something to be said for the number of hours in a pilots logbook. True. But hours aren't everything. I've said it before, one of the most incompetent, lazy and dangerously ignorant pilots I've EVER flown with always bragged about his 15,000 hours. But, I've not mentioned this before. Last year, I was flying with a 20+ year captain who's bowels turned to water on a go-around for windshear. We were at about 1500ft AGL when we hit the windshear. I was flying. His voice jumped an octave higher and was trying to grab the controls from me while I was doing just as I had practiced in the box so many times before. Not to mention, picking up the slack on what he SHOULD have been doing, but wasn't because he was too busy shitting himself. As far as his duties, the standard call-outs and procedures that we are taught, went right out the window. I pushed the power up and was trying to climb, flying the airspeeds I was supposed to. He kept pushing the nose over wanting to fly faster while we oversped the flaps. And, yes, there was a load of paying passengers sitting behind us. His performance that night would have busted a checkride. If we'd had a fed on the jumpseat, I think the they'd have pulled his ticket. He acted like a scared little child. I was embarrassed for him, actually. It was a disgrace to our profession.

Today, we have learned that bending metal is a very expensive way to learn lessons. Pilots are learning more and learning faster. Flying is more regimented, more regulated and ratings and certificates are harder to obtain that they used to be. And, it's been paying off, too. Accident rates keep falling over the years. Consider also, there are a lot more aircraft and pilots flying these days.

So, just because the crew that shows up to your aircraft on your next airline flight looks like they might be in their 20s, don't freak out. They have likely worked harder and demonstrated more proficiency to get where they are then their predecessors.

Atlantis Humor

Well, I woke up in a hotel this morning. I was pretty groggy, but I managed to find the TV remote. I was flipping through some channels, seeing how many ways I can get in shape in just a few weeks. This one has to be my favorite. Then, I ran across the NASA channel. Atlantis was making it's landing. This was the final flight for Orbiter Atlantis.

When I joined the show, Atlantis was about 5 mins from touchdown. Once Atlantis got a little closer and entered its high-key position (~25,000ft) I heard, "Houston, Atlantis... field in sight." I was thinking, "WTF?" Then Houston came back with, "Hehehe... good luck with that one!"

Good stuff!

FFAOs

Federal Flight Attendant Officers.

Think about it. It might just make people think twice about not turning off their damn cell phone before pushback.

The Weather Channel

I'm one of those who watch TWC when I'm getting ready in the morning on a trip. No, it's not certified aviation weather, but it's quick, simple and you can get a decent idea of what awaits you for the day all in the time you spend getting dressed in the morning. Perfect for when you're constantly waking up in different cities across the country.

Now, I'm not the biggest Stephanie Abrams fan, I'll admit. I don't "hate" her or anything like that, but sometimes, well... I watch TWC with the mute button on. She's got a LOT of energy, no doubt. But sometimes, the things that come out of her mouth... Wow. "The overnight lows will be around 45 degrees tonight with the slight chance of rain in the early morning hours. Hey Al! Look at this cloud right here! It reminds me of a dump I took last week! Yeah, with that taper on the end! That one really burned too! Oy Vey! Now, let's look at today's weathermaker..."

I'm not saying she's not qualified to do her job. She indeed is. However, it's those little instances, with little or no notice, where she starts spewing out random shit that drives me nuts. This morning, she was talking about tornadoes and showing a map of all the funnel cloud sightings from the previous day. Then I hear, "You know, thunderstorms are like big families. You have your really rockin' storms that make tornadoes, and then some other ones over here that are quiet and don't do much... which kind of storm are you?" WHAT IN THE HELL???? I am watching Reading Rainbow or something???

Ms. Abrams does have a lot of energy and she's not at all unattractive. Some people might think those are the reasons she has her job on a morning TV show. She has an education and background in meteorology as well, so it seems like that explains it.

But, I just felt that might not count for all of the appeal. Then... it hit me. She kinda looks like pornstar, Tiffany Minx! Yes! Maybe that's the final seal of approval. She's smart, energetic, pretty, and no matter what comes spewing out of her mouth, guys can watch TWC and envision things spewing in her mouth. Yeah, I can't believe I wrote that either...

Well, glad I finally got that one figured out. Time to get to the airport...

Mesa's future?

Anyone recall this post about Mesa from last November? To me, this didn't come as much of a shock, but I did notice it just yesterday.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/sns-ap-us-mesa-air-group-delta,0,3929117.story

I know Mesa has flying with United and USAir, but I don't know if it's enough to keep them afloat. I don't want to see it go, but I'm thinking that's what will happen before too long.

Looking back...

I have to say, something dawned on me during a recent trip to a famous aviation museum. As I was admiring aircraft from eras gone by, it hit me. Let me throw some stats your way and see if you catch it.

DC2 - 14pax - 2 engines - 62ft long
DC3 - 32pax - 2 engines - 64ft long
307 - 33 pax - 4 engines - 74ft long
ERJ145 - 37pax - 2 engines - 93 ft long
CRJ200 - 50pax - 2 engines - 87 ft long
CRJ700 - 70pax - 2 engines - 106ft
ERJ175 - 76pax - 2 engines - 103ft

These old planes are quite large. Some of them 4 engined. Yet, they all carried about as much as regional jets do these days. That tells me two things...

Airlines are carrying more people while burning less fuel to do it. It also tells you passenger accommodations are getting smaller and smaller. Honestly, this isn't a shocker since the days that Juan Tripp announced that Pan Am would take a different direction than all other major carriers. Instead of flying the "well to do" at high prices, he offered to fly common folk for what they could afford to pay. This changed the very face of airline travel. However, I think even Juan Tripp wouldn't have thought that at least 25% of airline passengers would fly in sweatpants and flip flops.

It was quite a revelation to stand in front of the iconic 4 engined Boeing 307 and see that it carried fewer passengers than the little CRJ200. Then, I took a look at another piece of info comparing the cabin widths of these two aircraft.

CRJ200 - 8ft 4in
Boeing 307 - 12ft

Makes me wonder what would be said if passengers who where flying the 307 were to step into the future and see a CRJ200 pull up to there gate. Likely, they would be overcome with joy with such a sleek little futuristic jet. Then, they would step inside and look at the seating space. I'm thinking they might step back off at that point.

My new favorite bird

The Blue-footed Booby!

DB Alert! Seat 7B!

Yes, you have heard me say it before. One of the wonderful sides of dealing with the general public is having the "honor" of being in the presence of some of the greatest douchebags (DBs) the human race has to offer. Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect everyone to be highly educated and well versed in all things. I know that's just not possible. Not even close. I'm a perfect example! There are COUNTLESS things I don't know crap about. The difference between myself and a DB? I am aware there are things I don't know. And. I don't go around running my pie-hole when I clearly haven't a damn clue what I'm talking about. THAT's my problem with DBs.

On a recent deadhead flight, I had the vomitous-pleasure of crossing paths with this particular DB, who was seated behind me. He was the type that had something to say about EVERYTHING. Of course, he's got one of those booming voices so everyone gets to hear his crap. His wife, seated in 7A, must drink a lot. I just don't see any other way it could work.

My first clue to his Delta-Bravo-ness came right when he sat down. Or should I say, FLOPPED down. "Jeeez!!! you don't sit in this plane!! You put it on!" While resisting the urge to turn around and say, "You get what you pay for, ass clown!" I decided instead to just install my ear plugs. Didn't block him out totally, but it certainly took the edge off. I still got to listen to all his "clever" comments about each step of the predeparture briefing from the flight attendants. I put clever in quotes since they weren't actually clever, but I'm certain they were clever to him in his own tiny, self-centered, cranky-ass brain.

Ironically, I had some really good gas that morning and I held nothing back since I had such a great DB to share with!

As him and his wife were reading the paper in cruise and commenting at full volume about every single story, the following caught my ear: "Oh hell, NASA is gonna hire Russia to do their stuff now that the Space Shuttle is being retired. Greaat..."

I really did have half a mind to turn around and present some of the following questions to this DB:

1.) Who was the first country to orbit a satellite?
2.) Who was the first country to put a man in space?
3.) Who was the first country to orbit a man in space?
4.) Who were the first to rendezvous two spacecraft from different countries?
5.) What country operates the largest space launch complex?
5.) Do you think the Space Shuttle has been the ONLY vehicle used to take astronauts and supplies to and from the ISS?

Then I remembered... this is DB we're dealing with here. His opinions are rock solid and infallible. Neither logic, common sense nor even fact can phase him.

During the landing roll out, I heard him say "Look! KC-135s. I think those are tankers." I had to glance outside. Yup, as I thought. C-130s. I took a few deep breaths. Then, as we were stopped short of the gate, waiting to get parked, I get to hear, "I'm sure glad we got here 20 mins early so we can sit out here on the tarmac." More deep breaths.

Then, just when I thought he couldn't be any more ridiculous, he points out the window and says, "Look at how slow that one is coming in.. that's a 747... it's gotta be." Call it morbid curiosity, but I just had to glance out. So, I did. And what did I see? A319.

I shake my head ruefully...

As a service to those who don't know the differences off-hand between these aircraft, but are smart enough to not act like you do, here is what they actually look like.

KC-135 Stratotanker and C-130 Hercules

Boeing 747 and Airbus A319

New feature at check in

$5 says some of you try this next time your at the check in kiosk...

Ever had this happen trying to book airfare?

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TRAVEL/03/05/disappearing.airfares/

Hotel Etiquette

We keep some odd hours on this job. Sometimes we go to work at 8am. Sometimes we go to work at 8pm. This change can even be just a day or so apart. For us, it's all the same. However, some aircrews are notorious for not taking normal people into consideration in this case.

Most times when we are walking down some hotel hallway to our rooms at midnight or later, many of my fellow crew mates are blabbing and laughing as loud as if we at a sports stadium.

It irks me. Why? Because it's selfish. Most people who keep normal hours are likely settling down for the night. Yes, our job does bend us over now and then with how we get treated by the company and the sleep that we aren't allowed to get. However, there is no reason to piss off others trying to get a night's sleep at the same hotel.

Or, think of it this way. You might be getting to the hotel late at night. But, you might not be due out until the next afternoon. In this case, as they are getting to their rooms, crews are shouting to one another, "Hey, let's go get something to eat! Meet down in the lobby in 10 minutes!" However, you might be walking right by the room of another crew member who got in just before you and has to be on the shuttle back to the airport in 7 hours to fly out tomorrow.

So, just as an FYI to fellow air crews out there: Please be aware of your volume levels when walking to your rooms. Thanks. I'm sure I'm not the only one that will appreciate it.

Child in JFK Tower

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/federal-eye/2010/03/faa_blasts_kid_in_the_jfk_airp.html

I guess someone decided it was "Bring your kids to work day" at New York's JFK control tower. I'm sure this guy will get hung out to dry for letting his kid talk on the radio. But, for those of you who are worrying about the safety risks associated here, breathe easy. I can pretty much tell you there was no issue with that. And, as you can guess, I shall explain why!

First off, it's not a breach of security or protocol to bring a member of the family to an ATC facility. Having visited a major ATC facility last year, it was confirmed that with approval from their managers, controllers bring in family on a halfway regular basis. They are escorted at all times. All persons entering major ATC facilities must pass through security checkpoints with metal detectors, much like those at commercial airports.

Second, I'm pretty sure this child (we don't know the age yet) wasn't just plugged into a panel and left alone. When reporters say "This child was directing air traffic" I cringe. No, I'm sure he wasn't making his own decisions. I'm thinking the parent was right there and feeding the kid some lines to say. No, this isn't "professional" and that's why it's making such big news. I'm sure this kind of thing happens all the time at small towers. This being JFK... yeah. Not so cool. And, the kid said "Adios," so an Aero Mexicana flight. Holy shit! Alert the FBI! Gimme a damn break... You're really digging here if that's what you're going after.

I would venture to say that when an actual controller is new and in training, this is a scenario that actually poses more of a safety risk. When controllers are new, they will be worked into the controller role with an instructor-controller of sorts right by their side. Both will have headsets on and both will be able to listen and talk to aircraft and other controllers. The new controller will be doing their job and if there is ever a need, the instructor will step in immediately and take action to avoid any problems. It's similar to an IOE (Initial Operating Experience) when a pilot is on a new aircraft or in a new seat and they are flying with an experienced instructor pilot. There are several times when I have been flying into places like Dallas/Fort Worth or Chicago O'Hare, and I received a transmission from ATC, only to hear another transmission IMMEDIATELY, in a much more hurried and serious voice. After reading back and complying with the second instruction, someone in the flightdeck often says, "Hmmm, sounds like someone is in training today!"

For this kid to be at the panel with his parent, only reciting lines given to them directly by the actual controller, no, it's not cool and he shouldn't have done it. However, the actual controller wasn't letting the kid direct traffic and make his own decisions about where to put what aircraft. There were no actions to be watching and correcting. The kid was simply saying what he was told to say it and when to say it. After all, that's the easy part of a job like ATC. The hard part is knowing what to say and when to say it.

So, yeah, I'm sure this controller-parent will be scapegoated for this. Not because there was actually a compromise in safety, but because this wasn't acceptable behavior and the FAA will want to make sure no one does this again. I wouldn't be shocked if they get fired. I hope not, since if the kid enjoyed it, it could have been one of those "formative" experiences for them. We seem to do less and less of that sort of thing these days. After all, most people tend to work in cubicles anyway these days. What kid wants to see that? Now, looking out from a huge tower over a busy airport? Looking out at airplanes? Talking to airline pilots? Seeing things happen? Hearing the roar of jet engines? That's the kind of thing that would get most kids to put down their GameBoys and iPods. Even if only for a few minutes.

Air Travel Expectations

There's lot of buzz in the industry about customer satisfaction these days. The extreme cases are things like Kevin Smith being pulled off a Southwest flight for being too fat. I've never seen Mr. Kevin Smith in person, so I can't really say one way or another. I'm not a fan of his movies, but I don't think I'd have kicked him off the plane. I just don't see his movies.

However, I began to take more note of people around airports when they are unhappy. Every time I go to work, I ride on a plane. All day when I am at work, I am around airplanes and those that are riding on them. Every time I go home, I ride on an airplane. Things go pretty well most of the time. But, the design of the air transport system itself is not very robust. There are an incredible amount of variables, and most of them are interdependent. What does this mean? It means that if one part of the system falls apart, then a lot of other things are affected. Think Jenga, near the end of the game. This is especially true with all the harsh winter weather systems the US has been experiencing the last few months.

Most people tend to take these things in stride. They understand that shit happens and getting to your destination safely is more important that getting there on time. If you rush things with "on time" being more important than safety you might end up in a fireball on the ground. You'll be on time, but you'll be on fire. Or dead. Or both. Well, I guess there's no reason to worry about that meeting you were going to. Or anything else for that matter. Hell, you're dead! You won't even have to help clean this mess up!

What I've had a hard time understanding is those few people that, when in this situation of delays and cancellations, really blow a gasket. Now, I'm not saying that you are totally out of line for such a gasket blowing, I am just wondering where you meet a guy with a name like "gasket." Aaaaaanyways...

There are indeed some people that just fly off the handle when something goes less than perfect with their air travel plans. It's just not practical to have these expectations and then build the rest of your personal schedule around that. However, I think this flaw in passenger perceptions is one created and fueled by the advertisement industry. Every time you get on a flight you're told about "on time this" and "on time that..." Over and over. Every commercial you see on TV is never one that shows a long line at security. It never shows a newly GED'd TSA person rifling through your underwear because they felt like it. It never shows a delay. Never shows an aircraft swap. Everything is all wonderful and great in the advertising world. Who in the hell are these people that make this shit up and what are they on???

It would be a far better idea to be honest in advertising. Think about it! "Hey, welcome to PilotStig Airways. In the last 5 years, we've run about 10mins late on most of our flights. However, we haven't crashed a single damn plane! Thanks for joining us!" Let's compare that to XYZ Airline... "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome aboard XYZ Flight 1234 with service to New York LaGuardia. It's our pleasure having you on board and we hope you enjoy your flight. We are expecting an on time departure. Please think of us again when booking your next air travel experience. Here at XYZ, the most on time airline, we value your safety and comfort. Thank you for choosing to fly with us. Last year, we only crashed 2 aircraft. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight to LaGuardia."

Which company would you chose based on those two cabin announcements?

The fact is, flights get delayed and/or canceled for a lot of reasons. Weather is a common one. Mechanical problems are another. But think about it... you're buying a ticket on an airplane. You are trying to get from A to B. That's it. Transportation. That is the product that you are purchasing. Maybe it works as expected and maybe there are some let downs. Not too different then many other products you buy. Let's say, you don't like the product the airlines have to offer and you want another one. The automobile has been a phenomenal invention. It's staggering to think how much of an impact the automobile has had on the human race. How many people out there drive to work? Or drive to the store? Raise your hands. I thought so.

Driving has its issues as well. Lets say you're trying to get from Dallas to New York City. That drive will take a loooooong damn time. If you had bought an airline ticket, you will get there in one day, and spend a day there, then come home then next. 3 days. If you drive, you will be looking at at 2 days each way... 4 days in transit to spend the same 1 day in NYC. That's 5 days total for this trip, versus 3.

Airline travel is very cheap for long distances. Don't buy that? Lets just run through an example. DFW to JFK. Google Maps shows that drive taking 25 hours, covering 1,588 miles. Let's assume you drive a car that gets 24MPG. Why did I chose that number? Because I always value the word of 1980s football players when choosing what car to purchase for my family, that's why! Howie Long keeps running his pie-hole about how great the Chevy Traverse is, while cashing a very large check from GM for doing so. So, for travel time, we're now looking at 4 days of driving with 2 nights hotel stay in, say Knoxville, TN. (roughly 1/2 way) Lets look at some costs:

Gas:
1,588 miles / 24MPG = 66.16 gal @ $2.66/gal = $176.03(one way)

Hotel:
2 nights @ $100/night = $200.00

Food:
Oooooh, lets go on Rachel Ray's $40 a day for 4 days travel = $160

Oil:
You're driving 3176 miles round trip, time for an oil change! $38

What are we looking at here? $750.06 Not to mention 25 hours of your life that you will spend in a car, and never get back.

Let's say we need to do this trip next week. Prices for some airlines with taxes included are:
American: $372
Delta: $388
US Air: $389
Continental: $394

I think people default to the "I'll just drive" argument because they feel that is an option that will put them more in control. They are behind the wheel. They can go when they want, stop when they want, so on and so forth... And that's a fair point. Doesn't get you there any faster, but that sense of being in control of your own destiny does have some value to it. When you are one little part of the airline travel experience, you are one of several million passengers traveling. Not everyone can be treated like royalty.

Let's consider a different angle. When was the last time you took a long road trip? Did you hit any traffic? Did that slow you down? Did you ever miss an exit? Did you ever get lost? Have you ever had a flat tire? Did that delay your arrival time? Did you ever pull over to a gas stop and look around for something to eat, but never find anything all that good. If you did find something good to eat, did you ever stand in line for a long time trying to pay for it? Ever had shitty coffee at a gas station? One this is for sure. The bathrooms are a LOT bigger than in airplanes.

My point is, all modes of travel for long distances have their short falls. They all have their costs as well. Airlines are a steal when you are flying a distance such as the scenario we ran through here. Even with checked bag fees. You are paying very little for the service of air transportation, so keep your expectations low and take lots of deep breaths. Getting there at all is indeed more important that making damn sure the flight isn't running a single minute late.

Keep in mind also that your ticket price is paying for the multi million dollar CEO salaries. Not to mention all those bonuses, too. Also keep in mind that whats left of your ticket price after the CEOs take their cut is what pays for the aircraft, Jet A, maintenance personnel and the flight attendant and pilot salaries.

And people act shocked that a regional first officer makes less than $20,000 their first year? Please...