I was waiting to board my commute flight to work when I saw him. In fact, he could not be missed. Before I even reached the gate, I knew of his presence. He was a classic "Kenny Tarmac." You know the type. That booming voice blabbing on and on about some market research program and a customer somewhere in need of the latest software upgrade, the upcoming golf game, the excessive laughter, etc. He's Mr. Important, making sure that all of us get to hear about what he's involved in because after all, he's important. He's the kind of guy you dream of beating the hell out of during the entire flight. You stare at the overhead bin above his seat, willing it to break free of it's mountings and come crashing down on top of his overinflated head. You pray for a freak spot of turbulence perfectly timed so that the flight attendant might spill a pot of hot coffee on his nutsack. His cologne is excessive. His watch is expensive and he wants you to know it. He's always chewing gum too.
Just as soon as we clear the runway after landing, that all too familiar voice echoes through the cabin, "Hey, Bill! It's Kenny! Yeah! We just landed! Listen, I was thinking about that telecon last week, we really need to add some value to that New York deal. I know! I know! Listen, tell Dave to get a coversheet on that TPS report! Hahahahaaaa! I know! I know! Alright, shooter... we'll catch ya back in ATL! Right!" Even the 84 year old woman sitting in 8A is wanting to stomp him with her walker.
Sure enough, after deplaning, I'm walking behind Kenny for a while. He was on his cellphone the entire time. I just couldn't get over how much of a self-absorbed, arrogant assbag this guy was. As we walked on a soldier stood by herself off to the left, perhaps waiting for someone. Army. She was in her BDUs.
What happened next, I simply was not prepared for. Kenny said to his phone, "Hold on a second..." He walked a few steps over then extended his right hand and said, "Thanks for your service!" After shaking his hand and stated both thanks and your welcome. I attempted to keep walking, however, I found myself stepping on my own jaw.
Never in a billion years would I have expected this guy to do something like that. I'd have bet any sum of money against it. I was sure this guy was a complete and total douche right down to the core. However, with one small gesture that didn't cost him a dime, I was proven wrong. All the anger and distaste I had for this man, which had been built up over the last couple of hours, started to come apart. Sure, the guy might still be a dick, but there was certainly some hint of a decent person hiding under it all. I guess you really can't judge a book by it's cover. And even when you're sure you know, maybe you don't.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Gas in the Flightdeck
I'm the first to admit, it's pretty cool being able to refer to the flightdeck of an aircraft as my "office." The view is surely second to none, but space is kinda tight considering you have to share this office with someone else.
This brings us to a subject that is highly volatile if you will. The truth is, we all fart. I fart. You fart, too. I know you do. It's just a fact. We, as living organisms, fart. Some days, it's not so bad. Other days, however, I could be charged with possession of chemical weaponry.
I guess this is also the time to admit, while I am a full-grown adult, I find farts really funny. I'm not even sure why. I just do. Maybe it's the sound. Maybe it's the variety of sounds. Maybe it's the reactions of others when they catch a bit of my malfragrance. Maybe it's the fantastic feeling of relief after a big wind loaf. Maybe it's a combination of things. Who knows. All I know is, they are funny.
I also understand that not all full-grown adults share my feeling on colorectal vocalizations. For the most part, most flight crew members I have flown with have taken my air biscuits in stride. I've only had one particular crew member that was REALLY unhappy. I was bothered by his reaction for several reasons. First, farts ARE funny. Second, I just had a ton of gas that day. Stomach cramps and all. I just had to fart. I tried to hold them in and was just too painful. It wouldn't shock me if I found out this guy went to the chief pilot about me. I actually hope he did. Only because it would mean that somewhere, filed in some company record, there is some piece of paper, perhaps with the words "Flightdeck Flatulence Investigation" on it. I've always wanted to leave my mark on aviation. I didn't expect it would a skid mark, but hey, I won't be picky.
Most ass trumpet occasions have just been met with a wince, cough and laugh followed by both of us opening every air vent possible. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. A few select individuals even rose to the challenge of returning fire in a game of flightdeck ass warfare. In one particular situation, flightdeck oxygen masks were utilized. Seriously. They really were. It was that bad. Even the flight attendant was complaining from the other side of the door.
If there was one rule I could make about the colonic calliope, it would be that hey, if you gotta, you gotta. However, one exception to this rule is when you are on the jumpseat. Consider this situation. You're either trying to get to work or home and the flight is oversold. The Captain then says, "OK, I'll help you get where you're going" and you get to share the office upfront with the flightcrew. Sounding the ass trumpet in this scenario is not usually looked upon in a positive light. You don't bite the hand that feeds you, and you shouldn't roast the jockeys when someone lets you ride on the jumpseat.
I've been doing this for a couple of years. Flying that is. I've been farting for much longer. I've noticed a variety of reactions to the one-gun salute. I've heard things like, "Are you sending me love notes??" and "Holy shit! Is that running down your leg?" or "I bet that's going to itch when it dries!" I've even heard just a simple, "Nice!"
There is usually more creativity in the area of delivery techniques. For the most part, I like to make some kind of announcement or warning for mine. Something along the lines of "Oh dear gawd!!!" Or if it's going to be a real pant stainer, it will immediately announce it's own presence. Of course, this leads us to the time when you have gas all day, but none of them have been really bad. So, you don't say anything. Then, there you are, leveled out in cruise flight, and everything is calm and quiet. You pull the one cheek sneak. Next thing you know, the air is filled with scent and taste of charred anus.
I've been on the jumpseat before catching a ride home, only to learn that the first officer(FO) was ready to do battle. The FO was producing some impressive trouser thunder, but the captain just couldn't return fire. He wanted to, but just couldn't produce. When we started the initial descent, there was a certain funk in the air. The captain looked over at the FO and said "Did you crap yourself again?" The FO said, "No...." Then, both turned back, looking at me... I shrugged and said "Sorry..." I knew I had broken the cardinal rule. I was prepared for some form of punishment. But the FO only turned back to the captain and said, "Well, he's in! Come on! It's your turn!"
One of the all time best delivery stories I have heard was of a captain, years ago, that had lots of gas on a regular basis. Lets just say he was flying with an FO named Dave. When he would let go of a good tailwind, he would cup his right hand next to his butt, palm facing outwards, and make a pushing motion in the same way one would to encourage along a small pet or child, while saying, "Go see Dave. Go see Dave."
All in all, farts are just something that we have to deal with. Some more than others to be sure. But, if you're going to have to deal with it anyways, you might as well laugh about it.
This brings us to a subject that is highly volatile if you will. The truth is, we all fart. I fart. You fart, too. I know you do. It's just a fact. We, as living organisms, fart. Some days, it's not so bad. Other days, however, I could be charged with possession of chemical weaponry.
I guess this is also the time to admit, while I am a full-grown adult, I find farts really funny. I'm not even sure why. I just do. Maybe it's the sound. Maybe it's the variety of sounds. Maybe it's the reactions of others when they catch a bit of my malfragrance. Maybe it's the fantastic feeling of relief after a big wind loaf. Maybe it's a combination of things. Who knows. All I know is, they are funny.
I also understand that not all full-grown adults share my feeling on colorectal vocalizations. For the most part, most flight crew members I have flown with have taken my air biscuits in stride. I've only had one particular crew member that was REALLY unhappy. I was bothered by his reaction for several reasons. First, farts ARE funny. Second, I just had a ton of gas that day. Stomach cramps and all. I just had to fart. I tried to hold them in and was just too painful. It wouldn't shock me if I found out this guy went to the chief pilot about me. I actually hope he did. Only because it would mean that somewhere, filed in some company record, there is some piece of paper, perhaps with the words "Flightdeck Flatulence Investigation" on it. I've always wanted to leave my mark on aviation. I didn't expect it would a skid mark, but hey, I won't be picky.
Most ass trumpet occasions have just been met with a wince, cough and laugh followed by both of us opening every air vent possible. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. A few select individuals even rose to the challenge of returning fire in a game of flightdeck ass warfare. In one particular situation, flightdeck oxygen masks were utilized. Seriously. They really were. It was that bad. Even the flight attendant was complaining from the other side of the door.
If there was one rule I could make about the colonic calliope, it would be that hey, if you gotta, you gotta. However, one exception to this rule is when you are on the jumpseat. Consider this situation. You're either trying to get to work or home and the flight is oversold. The Captain then says, "OK, I'll help you get where you're going" and you get to share the office upfront with the flightcrew. Sounding the ass trumpet in this scenario is not usually looked upon in a positive light. You don't bite the hand that feeds you, and you shouldn't roast the jockeys when someone lets you ride on the jumpseat.
I've been doing this for a couple of years. Flying that is. I've been farting for much longer. I've noticed a variety of reactions to the one-gun salute. I've heard things like, "Are you sending me love notes??" and "Holy shit! Is that running down your leg?" or "I bet that's going to itch when it dries!" I've even heard just a simple, "Nice!"
There is usually more creativity in the area of delivery techniques. For the most part, I like to make some kind of announcement or warning for mine. Something along the lines of "Oh dear gawd!!!" Or if it's going to be a real pant stainer, it will immediately announce it's own presence. Of course, this leads us to the time when you have gas all day, but none of them have been really bad. So, you don't say anything. Then, there you are, leveled out in cruise flight, and everything is calm and quiet. You pull the one cheek sneak. Next thing you know, the air is filled with scent and taste of charred anus.
I've been on the jumpseat before catching a ride home, only to learn that the first officer(FO) was ready to do battle. The FO was producing some impressive trouser thunder, but the captain just couldn't return fire. He wanted to, but just couldn't produce. When we started the initial descent, there was a certain funk in the air. The captain looked over at the FO and said "Did you crap yourself again?" The FO said, "No...." Then, both turned back, looking at me... I shrugged and said "Sorry..." I knew I had broken the cardinal rule. I was prepared for some form of punishment. But the FO only turned back to the captain and said, "Well, he's in! Come on! It's your turn!"
One of the all time best delivery stories I have heard was of a captain, years ago, that had lots of gas on a regular basis. Lets just say he was flying with an FO named Dave. When he would let go of a good tailwind, he would cup his right hand next to his butt, palm facing outwards, and make a pushing motion in the same way one would to encourage along a small pet or child, while saying, "Go see Dave. Go see Dave."
All in all, farts are just something that we have to deal with. Some more than others to be sure. But, if you're going to have to deal with it anyways, you might as well laugh about it.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Speaking Uniformly
So, what's it like to wear the airline uniform? Well, at first, it's pretty cool. However, about 5 mins later, the coolness starts to wane. OK, I'm exaggerating. Maybe it's more like 7 mins.
I think the uniform itself has done much to hide certain facts from the public, such as the fact that we are paid crap, work up to 16hrs per day and are usually viewed and treated poorly by our management. We look pretty sharp in a nice shirt, tie and slacks. I don't know of many other professions that require their people to dress like this and pay their people less then $20,000 per year for the first several years of employment. I'm not a big fan of the hat, that's for sure. I mean really, it's retarded. It was cool back in the day of the Army Air Corps, however, that time has long since past. And those who make the policy that we should wear those damn hats would never be seen in one themselves! Funny how that works...
Anyways, being a commuter, I spend a little more time in uniform than non-commuters. There are those that refuse to commute in uniform, and I can understand where they are coming from. You do stand out a bit. Some people would rather blend in. To me, there are some advantages to commuting in uniform. There are some downsides as well, but I don't think its too bad. I don't always commute in uniform, but likely more often than not.
For me it's just plain easier. I get dressed when I leave the house, and then I don't have to change when I get to my base. You tend to get noticed by the crew faster, which can be helpful when you're trying to catch a ride on the jumpseat. (There are some exceptions here between certain pilot groups, but that's another story.) Technically, we shouldn't "sleep" when in uniform. But I'll be the first to admit, if I'm tired and I'm just riding along as a passenger, I'll sleep my ass off and not feel the least bit bad about it!
Another thing you'll notice being in uniform is that you tend to be the person people will ask for help. After all, you're a pilot so you must know everything! Even if you've never been to the airport you're in before! There are those crew members that take offense to this, but usually it doesn't bother me. I'm happy to help when I can. Mostly, people are just looking to find out where a gate is. After all, no two airports are the same. Signage isn't always the best either. Also, I believe that most travelers aren't all that travel-savvy. I don't have any data to back this up however, based on what I see around airports on a very regular basis, I would guess that around 50% of all travelers fly about once per year. So, they are understandably out of their normal surroundings.
Oh, real quick request! To all you travelers out there: Do me (and many others) a really really really big favor. Airports can be crowded places. PLEASE, when you are walking along in a big group and you feel you need to either look at something or you feel you're not in the right place, DO NOT just stop in the middle of everyone!!!! There are lots of people around you. I mean really, when you're driving down a highway, and you aren't sure what exit you're at, do you slam on your brakes and come to stop on the roadway to figure it out???? Please, just step to the side. It's a simple thing and we'd really appreciate it. Thanks. OK, rant over.
Not long ago, I was commuting home (in uniform, of course) and I was sitting next to a couple of travelers that were very nervous flyers. The were both very nice, but obviously WAY out of their comfort zone. I tried to ease their minds by saying, "OK, just keep an eye on me, if I'm nervous, then you can be!" (It is true that if you are riding in the back, wearing a pilot uniform, if the ride gets nasty, people will be looking at you to see how you're reacting.) They had LOTS of questions. And, in their defense, there are a lot of noises in an airplane. Every time there was a new noise I was met with a "what was that?" So, I told them. We even got to the point where a new noise would be heard, a head would turn towards me, and I would just say what the noise was. (i.e. spoilers, flaps, gear, thrust reduction, etc.) It was actually kinda fun in an odd way.
There's another item I notice when I walk up to a gate in uniform. You can even see this yourself. Just go sit by a gate roughly an hour prior to departure. Somewhere between 30 and 60 mins is usually when the crew will arrive at the gate assuming the inbound crew isn't just taking the next flight back out. Now, when the flight attendants show up, some people might notice. However, when one of the pilots walks up to the gate, it's quite different. Most of the passengers will look up and give the pilot a once over. It's as if they are sizing us up, seeing if we look credible, awake, trustworthy, have grey hair, etc. This of course is judging a book by it's cover and perhaps it's not even fair. But, it's real. This is what occurs.
Along that same line, consider this about the uniform. In wearing one, you represent an entire industry whether you like it or not. I despise seeing a pilot who looks like a uniform douche. Examples? How about wearing sunglasses when walking inside a terminal, at night. Or, dark slacks, black shoes and white socks. How about untucked shirts. Or better yet, a chrome studded belt like Hannah Montana. Yes, I've seen all of these with my own eyes. I was in therapy for months after seeing the studded belt.
Sometimes it goes beyond just appearance. Ever see a pilot walking along talking on a cellphone loudly with the vocabulary of Eminem of Jay-Z? Even better, I've seen some fairly junior pilots standing by a gate talking quite audibly about all the things they'd love to do to one of their flight attendants. OK, we all have our fantasies. I couldn't care less about that. However, leave that conversation for the bar. I had passengers at that gate approach ME and ask for an explanation of their behavior. I wasn't even with the same company as them! I simply told them they were perfectly correct to be unhappy and that they should make a complaint with the airline by having the gate agent call for a customer service representative for them to speak with right there.
Then we come to pilots smoking in uniform. I know, it's not strictly prohibited as drinking in uniform is, but I still think it looks awful. This isn't the roaring twenties anymore. We don't fly with a white scarf and goggles. Pilots with cigarettes look like crap. There, I said it. Pilots with a lip full of chewing tobacco isn't far behind, either. However, its usually less noticeable at least.
In other news, I've never been one to follow "trendy" things. The world of fashion is just a big farce as far as I'm concerned. So, reading this headline was great news!
I think the uniform itself has done much to hide certain facts from the public, such as the fact that we are paid crap, work up to 16hrs per day and are usually viewed and treated poorly by our management. We look pretty sharp in a nice shirt, tie and slacks. I don't know of many other professions that require their people to dress like this and pay their people less then $20,000 per year for the first several years of employment. I'm not a big fan of the hat, that's for sure. I mean really, it's retarded. It was cool back in the day of the Army Air Corps, however, that time has long since past. And those who make the policy that we should wear those damn hats would never be seen in one themselves! Funny how that works...
Anyways, being a commuter, I spend a little more time in uniform than non-commuters. There are those that refuse to commute in uniform, and I can understand where they are coming from. You do stand out a bit. Some people would rather blend in. To me, there are some advantages to commuting in uniform. There are some downsides as well, but I don't think its too bad. I don't always commute in uniform, but likely more often than not.
For me it's just plain easier. I get dressed when I leave the house, and then I don't have to change when I get to my base. You tend to get noticed by the crew faster, which can be helpful when you're trying to catch a ride on the jumpseat. (There are some exceptions here between certain pilot groups, but that's another story.) Technically, we shouldn't "sleep" when in uniform. But I'll be the first to admit, if I'm tired and I'm just riding along as a passenger, I'll sleep my ass off and not feel the least bit bad about it!
Another thing you'll notice being in uniform is that you tend to be the person people will ask for help. After all, you're a pilot so you must know everything! Even if you've never been to the airport you're in before! There are those crew members that take offense to this, but usually it doesn't bother me. I'm happy to help when I can. Mostly, people are just looking to find out where a gate is. After all, no two airports are the same. Signage isn't always the best either. Also, I believe that most travelers aren't all that travel-savvy. I don't have any data to back this up however, based on what I see around airports on a very regular basis, I would guess that around 50% of all travelers fly about once per year. So, they are understandably out of their normal surroundings.
Oh, real quick request! To all you travelers out there: Do me (and many others) a really really really big favor. Airports can be crowded places. PLEASE, when you are walking along in a big group and you feel you need to either look at something or you feel you're not in the right place, DO NOT just stop in the middle of everyone!!!! There are lots of people around you. I mean really, when you're driving down a highway, and you aren't sure what exit you're at, do you slam on your brakes and come to stop on the roadway to figure it out???? Please, just step to the side. It's a simple thing and we'd really appreciate it. Thanks. OK, rant over.
Not long ago, I was commuting home (in uniform, of course) and I was sitting next to a couple of travelers that were very nervous flyers. The were both very nice, but obviously WAY out of their comfort zone. I tried to ease their minds by saying, "OK, just keep an eye on me, if I'm nervous, then you can be!" (It is true that if you are riding in the back, wearing a pilot uniform, if the ride gets nasty, people will be looking at you to see how you're reacting.) They had LOTS of questions. And, in their defense, there are a lot of noises in an airplane. Every time there was a new noise I was met with a "what was that?" So, I told them. We even got to the point where a new noise would be heard, a head would turn towards me, and I would just say what the noise was. (i.e. spoilers, flaps, gear, thrust reduction, etc.) It was actually kinda fun in an odd way.
There's another item I notice when I walk up to a gate in uniform. You can even see this yourself. Just go sit by a gate roughly an hour prior to departure. Somewhere between 30 and 60 mins is usually when the crew will arrive at the gate assuming the inbound crew isn't just taking the next flight back out. Now, when the flight attendants show up, some people might notice. However, when one of the pilots walks up to the gate, it's quite different. Most of the passengers will look up and give the pilot a once over. It's as if they are sizing us up, seeing if we look credible, awake, trustworthy, have grey hair, etc. This of course is judging a book by it's cover and perhaps it's not even fair. But, it's real. This is what occurs.
Along that same line, consider this about the uniform. In wearing one, you represent an entire industry whether you like it or not. I despise seeing a pilot who looks like a uniform douche. Examples? How about wearing sunglasses when walking inside a terminal, at night. Or, dark slacks, black shoes and white socks. How about untucked shirts. Or better yet, a chrome studded belt like Hannah Montana. Yes, I've seen all of these with my own eyes. I was in therapy for months after seeing the studded belt.
Sometimes it goes beyond just appearance. Ever see a pilot walking along talking on a cellphone loudly with the vocabulary of Eminem of Jay-Z? Even better, I've seen some fairly junior pilots standing by a gate talking quite audibly about all the things they'd love to do to one of their flight attendants. OK, we all have our fantasies. I couldn't care less about that. However, leave that conversation for the bar. I had passengers at that gate approach ME and ask for an explanation of their behavior. I wasn't even with the same company as them! I simply told them they were perfectly correct to be unhappy and that they should make a complaint with the airline by having the gate agent call for a customer service representative for them to speak with right there.
Then we come to pilots smoking in uniform. I know, it's not strictly prohibited as drinking in uniform is, but I still think it looks awful. This isn't the roaring twenties anymore. We don't fly with a white scarf and goggles. Pilots with cigarettes look like crap. There, I said it. Pilots with a lip full of chewing tobacco isn't far behind, either. However, its usually less noticeable at least.
In other news, I've never been one to follow "trendy" things. The world of fashion is just a big farce as far as I'm concerned. So, reading this headline was great news!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Announcements
After hearing this, I might just change my Welcome Aboard announcement on future flights! :-)
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Staying in Shape on the Road
We've all seen some crew members carrying a few extra pounds around. Honestly, it's not easy to stay in shape on this job. Staying in shape means eating well and staying active. Here, you live on the road a lot of the time. You're poor. And, you spend most of your time either at a hotel or an airport. You end up eating out most often and that's neither healthy nor cheap. Oh yeah, your job involves you sitting on your ass for hour after hour as well. Yup, there's stress involved, too. And, we are required to have medical exams on a regular basis to determine if we are healthy to fly. Sounds a bit odd, I know. Also these smaller regional aircraft tend to fly shorter legs and more of them each day. This means that the crew is constantly going from here to there, then over to here, back to there, all day long. And, half the time they are switching aircraft between legs too. Sometimes, they will fly the whole day and never have a chance to even get a quick bite to eat in the airport. None of that appears to be the company's concern, however. It's all about "schedule integrity" from where they sit.
Around the start of the year, I began taking steps to combat what I call, Fat Pilot. Turns out, there are a lot of things you can do on the road to help stay in shape. Not all of these items will work for everyone, but if you can use at least a few of these, perhaps it can help you avoid having to buy some larger uniform piece next year.
1.) Bring Food: People that do this are easy to spot. They're the ones with a little insulated cooler hanging off their rollaboard. I think it's a great idea, however, this seems to be best suited for those who live in base. Some hotels have refrigerators in the room, and some have one in the main kitchen that you can ask to keep something in overnight. (Don't forget to ask for it back when you checkout in the morning!) Some places don't have a fridge at all. Depending on what you bring, this may cause issues. I'm a commuter, so I don't typically find it practical to haul yet another bag of some kind around with me. And, it's tough to bring more than 1 or 2 day's worth of food.
2.) Bring Oatmeal: This is my mainstay on the road. I stay clear of the instant stuff and get the real deal Quaker Oats. (This is per recommendation of Alton Brown's on a Good Eats episode.) I bring a quart sized bag of them on every trip. They are quite bland, so I add my own cinnamon and brown sugar. Each hotel I've stayed in has a coffee maker. That's all I need to make some hot water, and I can get a couple coffee cups of oatmeal to pour the water on, and let them soak for 4-5mins, or just pour the oats right into the coffee pot itself. The only other required item is a lexan spoon that I always have with me. Might not be luxury, but then again, take a look at my paycheck. Oatmeal is on par with the money I make. (Yes, images of Oliver Twist do come to mind...)
3.) Plunder the Booty: Another thing you can do, which of course is prohibited per company regulation, raid the galley cart! Now, like anything else that people do which they aren't supposed to, there is a certain etiquette to be followed. You can't just raid the damn thing like a Viking. Simply put, most of what gets sent out to a plane from catering will be thrown away if it is not eaten. Fair enough. This is why crews don't feel bad about taking snacks, especially after a flight is done. But, the passengers are the ones paying to go along for this little airplane ride, so consider them. If you are lucky enough to fly a plane that has a first class and there is a meal being served then you might get some food to split between the crew if there is anything left that the passengers didn't want. I find that the best way to guarantee leftover food is to purchase your own food to eat before the flight. That works like you wouldn't believe! However, it also works in reverse. If you don't buy something to eat when you have the chance, there won't be a single peanut left for you.) Most people think that airlines always have food for the crews. Mainline flights have "crew meals" for flights over 2 hours (I think) in length. We in the regionals, don't have such luxuries. However, many a/c in the regionals don't have a first class, hence, no meals at all. So, when raiding the leftovers in the snacks, try to steer clear of candy bars and the like. Try and stick with bananas, apples, and the like.
4.) Workout at the Hotel: Most hotels have a workout-room of some sort and I try to hit these as much as I can. But on short overnights, the last thing you care about is hitting the gym. Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs was asked how he stays in shape while living on the road. He recommends the Prison Workout. It's totally worth it to get up 10mins early, and knock out this routine. It's certainly a lot better than not doing anything and it doesn't take much time.
5.) Water, Water, Everywhere: Each plane I know of always has water on board. Coffee is a mainstay of 99.9% of pilots, that's for sure, but do your very best to drink a LOT of water each day you're on duty. Try not to always drink something like Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, etc. That's a lot of sugar and calories. Consider that you're also living in a pressurized tube. It's being pressurized with air from high in the atmosphere. It's VERY dry. Staying hydrated will keep you more alert, and also help your body fight the dry environment in which we spend so much of our time.
6.) Hotel Breakfasts: Another side of regional airline flying is that you tend to stay in some OK hotels. Usually they are nothing fantastic, but perfectly decent. Some are total crap, but that's another post... Usually, the best part of a good 3-star hotel is that you get a free breakfast! Again, I recommend staying away from the donuts and the danishes. Try sticking to cereal, bananas, apples, oranges, stuff like that. I know the other items look really damn good. Trust me. I'm a complete sucker for a doughnut. I'm part Homer Simpson. And, you know what, every now and then, go ahead and have one! But, don't have one or six every damn morning! It's also easy to grab an apple or banana and stick it in your flight case for later if you're going to have a long day. Always keep something in there, just in case you plan to have a long break, and then some wonderful delay pops up, weather, maintenance, late inbound flight, whatever, and then that nice 1.5 hour break in the middle of your day becomes a quick turn and you never get a chance to even step off the plane. Even a couple granola bars are worth having. You might be wondering if this is a safety issue. Just think of those Emeralds Nuts commercials on TV nowadays.
7.) Walk: Another small help is to bypass trams and moving walkways when you have the time. You will get a bit of exercise just pulling your bags around. And, if you have a decent break during the day and a big airport, take a stroll around the whole place! Again, even just small activity, on a regular basis will make a noticeable difference over time.
8.) Workout at Home: When at home, I run. I don't like running either. However, there really is no better way to get such a workout in, in so little time, with so little money invested. Think about it. Get a decent pair of shoes, and I'm guessing you have a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Go run! Hell, chances are, if you're not in shape, 10 minutes of running, and you'll be pretty tired! I'm trying to work up to running a marathon next year. I'm not sure why, except that I always figured it would be cool to look back and say "I've run a marathon." Well, I'm not exactly young anymore, so if I'm going to do it, I better get moving on it. We'll see how it goes.
9.) Challenges: Here's a neat little challenge for all you blog readers out there. I formally issue you the challenge to do 100 pushups and 200 situps. Yes, in a row. I ran across these two little gems a few months back. It's a regimented progression to increase your push up and situp capabilities. Again, it's not easy, but it's also not super tough either. Time commitment is fairly modest. The program will vary slightly based on how many pushups and situps you can do right now. I've been working on both. I have a long way to go on the situps, but I'm getting close to 1/2 way done for the pushups.
Around the start of the year, I began taking steps to combat what I call, Fat Pilot. Turns out, there are a lot of things you can do on the road to help stay in shape. Not all of these items will work for everyone, but if you can use at least a few of these, perhaps it can help you avoid having to buy some larger uniform piece next year.
1.) Bring Food: People that do this are easy to spot. They're the ones with a little insulated cooler hanging off their rollaboard. I think it's a great idea, however, this seems to be best suited for those who live in base. Some hotels have refrigerators in the room, and some have one in the main kitchen that you can ask to keep something in overnight. (Don't forget to ask for it back when you checkout in the morning!) Some places don't have a fridge at all. Depending on what you bring, this may cause issues. I'm a commuter, so I don't typically find it practical to haul yet another bag of some kind around with me. And, it's tough to bring more than 1 or 2 day's worth of food.
2.) Bring Oatmeal: This is my mainstay on the road. I stay clear of the instant stuff and get the real deal Quaker Oats. (This is per recommendation of Alton Brown's on a Good Eats episode.) I bring a quart sized bag of them on every trip. They are quite bland, so I add my own cinnamon and brown sugar. Each hotel I've stayed in has a coffee maker. That's all I need to make some hot water, and I can get a couple coffee cups of oatmeal to pour the water on, and let them soak for 4-5mins, or just pour the oats right into the coffee pot itself. The only other required item is a lexan spoon that I always have with me. Might not be luxury, but then again, take a look at my paycheck. Oatmeal is on par with the money I make. (Yes, images of Oliver Twist do come to mind...)
3.) Plunder the Booty: Another thing you can do, which of course is prohibited per company regulation, raid the galley cart! Now, like anything else that people do which they aren't supposed to, there is a certain etiquette to be followed. You can't just raid the damn thing like a Viking. Simply put, most of what gets sent out to a plane from catering will be thrown away if it is not eaten. Fair enough. This is why crews don't feel bad about taking snacks, especially after a flight is done. But, the passengers are the ones paying to go along for this little airplane ride, so consider them. If you are lucky enough to fly a plane that has a first class and there is a meal being served then you might get some food to split between the crew if there is anything left that the passengers didn't want. I find that the best way to guarantee leftover food is to purchase your own food to eat before the flight. That works like you wouldn't believe! However, it also works in reverse. If you don't buy something to eat when you have the chance, there won't be a single peanut left for you.) Most people think that airlines always have food for the crews. Mainline flights have "crew meals" for flights over 2 hours (I think) in length. We in the regionals, don't have such luxuries. However, many a/c in the regionals don't have a first class, hence, no meals at all. So, when raiding the leftovers in the snacks, try to steer clear of candy bars and the like. Try and stick with bananas, apples, and the like.
4.) Workout at the Hotel: Most hotels have a workout-room of some sort and I try to hit these as much as I can. But on short overnights, the last thing you care about is hitting the gym. Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs was asked how he stays in shape while living on the road. He recommends the Prison Workout. It's totally worth it to get up 10mins early, and knock out this routine. It's certainly a lot better than not doing anything and it doesn't take much time.
5.) Water, Water, Everywhere: Each plane I know of always has water on board. Coffee is a mainstay of 99.9% of pilots, that's for sure, but do your very best to drink a LOT of water each day you're on duty. Try not to always drink something like Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, etc. That's a lot of sugar and calories. Consider that you're also living in a pressurized tube. It's being pressurized with air from high in the atmosphere. It's VERY dry. Staying hydrated will keep you more alert, and also help your body fight the dry environment in which we spend so much of our time.
6.) Hotel Breakfasts: Another side of regional airline flying is that you tend to stay in some OK hotels. Usually they are nothing fantastic, but perfectly decent. Some are total crap, but that's another post... Usually, the best part of a good 3-star hotel is that you get a free breakfast! Again, I recommend staying away from the donuts and the danishes. Try sticking to cereal, bananas, apples, oranges, stuff like that. I know the other items look really damn good. Trust me. I'm a complete sucker for a doughnut. I'm part Homer Simpson. And, you know what, every now and then, go ahead and have one! But, don't have one or six every damn morning! It's also easy to grab an apple or banana and stick it in your flight case for later if you're going to have a long day. Always keep something in there, just in case you plan to have a long break, and then some wonderful delay pops up, weather, maintenance, late inbound flight, whatever, and then that nice 1.5 hour break in the middle of your day becomes a quick turn and you never get a chance to even step off the plane. Even a couple granola bars are worth having. You might be wondering if this is a safety issue. Just think of those Emeralds Nuts commercials on TV nowadays.
7.) Walk: Another small help is to bypass trams and moving walkways when you have the time. You will get a bit of exercise just pulling your bags around. And, if you have a decent break during the day and a big airport, take a stroll around the whole place! Again, even just small activity, on a regular basis will make a noticeable difference over time.
8.) Workout at Home: When at home, I run. I don't like running either. However, there really is no better way to get such a workout in, in so little time, with so little money invested. Think about it. Get a decent pair of shoes, and I'm guessing you have a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Go run! Hell, chances are, if you're not in shape, 10 minutes of running, and you'll be pretty tired! I'm trying to work up to running a marathon next year. I'm not sure why, except that I always figured it would be cool to look back and say "I've run a marathon." Well, I'm not exactly young anymore, so if I'm going to do it, I better get moving on it. We'll see how it goes.
9.) Challenges: Here's a neat little challenge for all you blog readers out there. I formally issue you the challenge to do 100 pushups and 200 situps. Yes, in a row. I ran across these two little gems a few months back. It's a regimented progression to increase your push up and situp capabilities. Again, it's not easy, but it's also not super tough either. Time commitment is fairly modest. The program will vary slightly based on how many pushups and situps you can do right now. I've been working on both. I have a long way to go on the situps, but I'm getting close to 1/2 way done for the pushups.
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