Yes, you have heard me say it before. One of the wonderful sides of dealing with the general public is having the "honor" of being in the presence of some of the greatest douchebags (DBs) the human race has to offer. Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect everyone to be highly educated and well versed in all things. I know that's just not possible. Not even close. I'm a perfect example! There are COUNTLESS things I don't know crap about. The difference between myself and a DB? I am aware there are things I don't know. And. I don't go around running my pie-hole when I clearly haven't a damn clue what I'm talking about. THAT's my problem with DBs.
On a recent deadhead flight, I had the vomitous-pleasure of crossing paths with this particular DB, who was seated behind me. He was the type that had something to say about EVERYTHING. Of course, he's got one of those booming voices so everyone gets to hear his crap. His wife, seated in 7A, must drink a lot. I just don't see any other way it could work.
My first clue to his Delta-Bravo-ness came right when he sat down. Or should I say, FLOPPED down. "Jeeez!!! you don't sit in this plane!! You put it on!" While resisting the urge to turn around and say, "You get what you pay for, ass clown!" I decided instead to just install my ear plugs. Didn't block him out totally, but it certainly took the edge off. I still got to listen to all his "clever" comments about each step of the predeparture briefing from the flight attendants. I put clever in quotes since they weren't actually clever, but I'm certain they were clever to him in his own tiny, self-centered, cranky-ass brain.
Ironically, I had some really good gas that morning and I held nothing back since I had such a great DB to share with!
As him and his wife were reading the paper in cruise and commenting at full volume about every single story, the following caught my ear: "Oh hell, NASA is gonna hire Russia to do their stuff now that the Space Shuttle is being retired. Greaat..."
I really did have half a mind to turn around and present some of the following questions to this DB:
1.) Who was the first country to orbit a satellite?
2.) Who was the first country to put a man in space?
3.) Who was the first country to orbit a man in space?
4.) Who were the first to rendezvous two spacecraft from different countries?
5.) What country operates the largest space launch complex?
5.) Do you think the Space Shuttle has been the ONLY vehicle used to take astronauts and supplies to and from the ISS?
Then I remembered... this is DB we're dealing with here. His opinions are rock solid and infallible. Neither logic, common sense nor even fact can phase him.
During the landing roll out, I heard him say "Look! KC-135s. I think those are tankers." I had to glance outside. Yup, as I thought. C-130s. I took a few deep breaths. Then, as we were stopped short of the gate, waiting to get parked, I get to hear, "I'm sure glad we got here 20 mins early so we can sit out here on the tarmac." More deep breaths.
Then, just when I thought he couldn't be any more ridiculous, he points out the window and says, "Look at how slow that one is coming in.. that's a 747... it's gotta be." Call it morbid curiosity, but I just had to glance out. So, I did. And what did I see? A319.
I shake my head ruefully...
As a service to those who don't know the differences off-hand between these aircraft, but are smart enough to not act like you do, here is what they actually look like.
KC-135 Stratotanker and C-130 Hercules
Boeing 747 and Airbus A319
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