Douchebags

You know the type. Their gross ignorance is matched only by the size of their pie holes. We've all seen them. We've all heard them. Airports seem to attract them in mass. They are, "The Douchebags."

The first one I found this morning was just sitting by the gate waiting to board my commute flight along with many others. An older gentleman, likely around 50 years of age. He was asleep in a chair when I arrived near the gate. About 10 minutes prior to boarding, he woke up and began clipping his fingernails. Yes, right there at the gate. Little nail clippings just flying and landing on the carpet in front of everyone else. I'd LOVE to come to your house, sir, and start clipping my nails in your living room. You, sir, are a douchebag.

When I got seated on the aircraft, I had the pleasure of sitting in front of another fine specimen. Yes, I'm talking about you in 41F. Most people understand that delays are a part of airline travel. Remember that old adage? "If you've got time to spare, go by air!" Not much has changed really. Delays happen. Some are big, some are small. But, they happen, and for a multitude of reasons. I don't believe this is "news" to anyone with a brain these days.

While sitting at the gate getting ready to depart, there was an issue with the aircraft. The Captain informed everyone that there was an issue with getting the weight and balance information electronically, so it was being done manually via the radio and it would be a few minutes, thanks for your patience, etc. Of course, maintenance personnel had to come on board as well to make a logbook entry and "defer" the offending system. That's just part of life as a Part 121 air carrier. Everything must have traceability.

Well, upon receipt of this news, our pal in 41F begins to spout off. "Boy, this makes me never want to fly on this airline again!" Then he turns to the lady seated next to him and says, "Every time I fly ***, every time, there are delays for maintenance." He then follows up with, "I take this flight about 4 to 6 times a year..." Wow... 4 to 6 times in a year??? Holy balls! Those are top level expert qualifications there! After all, I only take this flight about 3 times every month!!! The fact that I haven't seen a single delay of any kind on this flight in at least 4 months must just be my own obscure perception. You sir, are highly qualified and experienced to be saying that this flight, which operates every single day of the week, every week, must be operated by the worst carrier in the world. After all, you take this flight up to a 1/2 dozen times in a year! We should all stand back in awe.

To this, the female sitting to his left replies with complaints about her itinerary. "I booked my reservations through Expedia.com and getting to Omaha is fine, but to get home, I have to go to Chicago, then somewhere else, then finally home! Why do they do that?" It almost seems she has a point here, however, when she states that her total cost was "$140 roundtrip," all possible reason she had to complain simply vaporizes. $140 roundtrip.... Of course, we can always start with "And people wonder why airlines can't make any damn money!" However, this lady has done the unthinkable. The unfathomable. This is the equivalent of someone handing you a free beer and you complaining about it. You go through a budget booking service, pay less than it would cost you to drive the distance and then complain about how they route you around. Number 1, they don't care. Number 2, you are a spoiled little pain in the ass for complaining one single iota about a round trip airfare, halfway across the country and back for $140. I hope you choke on a damn peanut. You Ma'am, are a douchebag.

Somehow, I managed to calm down and get some rest during the flight. After we landed, we taxied up near the gate, stopped and waited. This is something I deal with day in and day out. Whether it's the ground crew not ready to park us, equipment and vehicles in the way, or whatever, we wait to get parked on a VERY regular basis. This is when Mr. 41F decided to provide commentary once again. "Parking isn't that hard... what the hell are we waiting for???" My blood pressure began to rise... The Capt then came on the PA and stated that there were clearance issues for the aircraft we were in and the aircraft parked at the adjacent gate. We were going to be going to the other side of the airport to another gate. I figured I was going to have to listen to Mr. 41F and have my blood boiling by the time we deplaned.

However, I will say, Mr. 41F then said some things that were actually right on the button. "I can't believe the people that manage these gates can't have things like that figured out!" "This has to be a management/leadership issue!" And, "I bet the pilot and copilot are saying 'why can't they figure things like this out before we get to the gate!'"

So, Mr. 41F, I was going to award you with the Blue Ribbon Douchebag Seal of Approval, however, it looks like I'll have to hold off on that since you actually had enough of a clue to understand that the crew is not always to blame for everything as many other people seem to think these days. Good save.